farmers

The Story of Randy the Rooster

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A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster.

The other farmer says, "Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named Randy; he’ll service every chicken you got, no problem."

Well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’d be worth it, so he buys Randy.

The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a peptalk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of ckickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money and, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand so the farmer points toward the henhouse and Randy took off like a shot. ~WHAM~ He nails every hen in there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked.

Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake, ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese. Randy’s up in the pigpen, he’s in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob, stone cold, in the middle of the yard.

Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself."

Randy opens one eye, nods toward the sky and says, "Shhh, they’re getting closer…."

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Farmer’s Daughters

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A farmer had three lovely daughters that he never allowed to date. The girls were beginning to worry that if they didn’t get the opportunity to date soon, they would all end up old spinsters.

So after all three repeatedly begged the farmer to be allowed to date, he said, " OK girls, you win! I will let you go out on a date this Saturday. But these have to be nice young men, who will behave like gentlemen."

The girls said, "Oh, thank you papa, they will all be very nice boys."

So Saturday night finally comes around, and at 7:30 there’s a knock at the door.

The farmer opens the door on a presentable young man who says, " Hi, My name’s Eddy, I came for Betty, we’re going to eat spagetti. Is she ready?" The farmer scratched his head and called for Betty, and the couple leave.

A few minutes later there’s another knock at the door, and the farmer answers. He opens the door on another presentable young man who says, "Hi, My name’s Jer, I came for Clair, we’re going to the fair. We’re going to meet friends there!" The farmer calls for Clair and the happy couple are on their way.

A monent later there’s a third knock at the door. Again the farmer finds a presentable young man who says, "Hi, My name’s Buck!"

The Farmer shot him!

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Where Ya Goin’?’

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There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

‘Hey kid!’ the farmer says. ‘Where ya goin’ with that wire?’

‘Well,’ the kid drawls, ‘this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s chicken wire — I’m fixin’ to catch me some chickens!’

‘You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!’

‘Sure I can!’ the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he’s got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer is sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

‘Hey kid!’ the farmer yells. ‘Where ya goin’ with that tape?’

‘Well, this here ain’t just any ol’ tape, this here’s duck tape –I’m fixin’ to catch me some ducks!’

‘You can’t catch ducks with duck tape!’ the farmer yells back.

‘Sure I can!’ the kid says, and takes off down the road.

He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can’t believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer’s sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick.

‘Hey kid!’ the farmer says. ‘Where ya goin’ with that stick?’

‘Well, this here ain’t just any old stick, this here’s pussy willow.’

‘Hang on,’ the farmer says. ‘I’ll get my hat.’

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