Enron investigation

Okay, politics: We need a special investigator looking into Enron and examining the involvement of the current presidential administration in the company. War aside, this isn’t the kind of thing that can be overlooked.
And the other thing we need is some explanation of the election reform process that will be in place before the next election. How are we going to ensure that everyone’s vote is counted and that everyone’s vote counts?

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reform the electoral process

Here is the only legitimate way to reform the electoral process: EVERY SINGLE CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES NEEDS TO VOTE IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.
I wasn’t a bit surprised when ol’ Dubya said “we have to respect the state and local election boards”. OF COURSE HE SAID THAT. Because the lack of uniformity in voting is the reason why he and every other Republican is in office today… because poor people in poor counties have an election process that is outdated, inaccurate and subject to massive fraud, and these are the people who vote Democrat. The wealthier counties who can afford an accurate process that ACTUALLY COUNTS THEIR VOTES, and that’s why Republicans get elected.
It’s not in Dubya’s interest to reform the electoral process at all; the inaccuracy and fraud are the only reason he’s in office. It would be like killing the goose that laid his golden eggs.

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Bush Inaugural Theme Song

Author unknown

(to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke) What they are humming in the Governor’s mansion. Okay shrubs, all together now…

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much foreign policy
Don’t remember how I got through school
I’m sure I didn’t break the rules
But what’s it matter ’cause my granny says
"Boy, if you want to you can be the prez
And what a wonderful world this will be"

Don’t know much about the women’s vote
Don’t know much about the bill I wrote
Don’t know much about the foreign vets
I’ve never voted for ’em yet
But I do know if your dad tries hard
He can get you in the National Guard
And what a wonderful place that can be

Now I never claimed to be an A student
But what’s wrong with C’s?
And maybe by knowing the names of my cabinet
I can win their love for me

Don’t know much about air pollution
Don’t know much about the constitution
Don’t know much about th’economy
It never much affected me

But there’s one thing that I know for sure
If the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor
What a wonderful world this will be

Don’t know much about the national debt
I’ve never had to pay one yet
If we need to we can sell the States
To the Japanese at discount rates
But I do know if things get bad
Dick and I can always call my dad
And what a wonderful world this will be.

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Two new verbs

Two new verbs:
To Harris: To steal something, not for oneself, but on behalf of someone else in order to curry favor.
To Scalia: To use unethical means to run down the clock on one’s opponent.

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Texas Dems Get Bushwacked

I KNEW there was something fishy about all that thunderous applause before Bush’s acceptance speech. Turns out there weren’t any Democrats allowed in the room. Texas Dems Get Bushwacked.

President-elect George W. Bush delivered his long-awaited acceptance speech Wednesday night to thunderous applause from the Democrat-controlled Texas House of Representatives, highlighting Bush’s boasts of having reached across the aisle to work with Democrats. Or so it appeared.

But the shiny bipartisan veneer Bush hopes will follow him into the Oval Office lost some of its luster Thursday, when many Democratic representatives said they weren’t invited to the speech, and at least one even after having requested an invitation.

“We weren’t asked to come,” says state Rep. Garnet Coleman.

Calling the Bush team’s failure to invite Democrats “phony” and “hypocritical,” Democratic state Rep. Kevin Bailey, D-Houston, said that “it was kind of surprising that we weren’t invited.”

They were all applauding because they were all Republicans. But mark my words– celebrating was a big mistake. There was nothing for you to celebrate, Bush. Over half the people in this country didn’t want you, and grinning like an idiot only makes them more mad. “Pull together behind the president,” my ass. I don’t care what Al Gore says, George W. Bush is not my president, and I know I’m not the only one to think so.

I’m with all those people who are organizing on the internet to protest Bush’s Inauguration in January. I may not get to go, but I’ll spend the day in conspicuous mourning. And I almost have my “Impeach G.W. Bush” bumper stickers done.

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Justice Stevens dissenting


What must underlie petitioners’ entire federal assault on the Florida election procedures is an unstated lack of confidence in the impartiality and capacity of the state judges who would make the critical decisions if the vote count were to proceed. Otherwise, their position is wholly without merit. The endorsement of that position by the majority of this Court can only lend credence to the most cynical appraisal of the work of judges throughout the land. It is confidence in the men and women who admin-ister the judicial system that is the true backbone of the rule of law. Time will one day heal the wound to that confidence that will be inflicted by today’s decision. One thing, however, is certain. Although we may never know with complete certainty the identity of the winner of this year’s Presidential election, the identity of the loser is perfectly clear. It is the Nation’s confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law. I respectfully dissent.

In case it isn’t clear what Supreme Court Justice Stephens is saying, let me explain it:
He’s saying that the Supreme Court, knowing full well that it had no jurisdiction in the election at all, nevertheless stepped into the process and took it over just long enough for the clock to run out for Al Gore, and then threw the process back to the Florida Supreme Court once the time ran out.
In other words, he’s saying that the Supreme Court stole the election for George W. Bush.

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Al Gore IS the President

Al Gore IS the President of the United States. And he will be for the next four years. I don’t care what anyone says. You can cheat and defraud all you want to, but you can’t change my mind on this one. I refuse to hear anything else on the subject.
I hopped in my car on the way to work this morning, pulled out into traffic, and flipped on the windshield wipers because it started to rain. Stuck under the wiper on my side of the car was a round piece of… something. It completely obstructed my view, and flipping off the wipers didn’t help because it was raining too hard. I almost rammed the car ahead of me, but managed to turn of into the Church’s Chicken parking lot, where I hopped out and pull the round disc from under my wiper. It was a round plastic-covered hallmark card, about 2 inches in diameter… a wreath with the message “Jesus is the Reason for the Season.”
I’m thinking there are better ways of making this sort of point.

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The Third Debate

Author Unknown

For those who did not watch the presidential debate, here was what was said:

Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the third presidential debate between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules: I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters. The opponent will then have one minute to respond by trying to frighten senior citizens into voting for him. When a speaker’s time has expired, I will whimper softly while he continues to spew incomprehensible statistics for three more minutes.

Let’s start with the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you give us the name of a downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her story in a way that strains the bounds of common sense?

Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly made love the way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid marriage, the downtrodden have a clear choice in this election. My opponent wants to cut taxes for the richest 1 percent of Americans. I, on the other hand, want to put the richest 1 percent in an ironclad lockbox so they can’t hurt old people like Roberta Frampinhamper, who is here tonight.

Mrs. Frampinhamper has been selling her internal organs, one by one, to pay for gas so that she can travel to these debates and personify problems for me. Also, her poodle has arthritis.

Lehrer: Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.

Bush: Governors is on the front lines every day, hugging people, crying with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity exists. I want to empower those crying people to make their own decisions, unlike my opponent, whose mother is not Barbara Bush.

Lehrer: Let’s turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan Milosevic were to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia, would you be able to pronounce his name?

Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that guy and didn’t get it done. If I’m elected, the first thing I would do about that guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. And then Dick would present me several options for dealing with that guy. And then Dick would tell me which one to choose. You know, as governor of Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy decisions every day about how we’re going to deal with New Mexico.

Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.

Gore: Foreign policy is something I’ve always been keenly interested in. I served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who was a victim of poison gas in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the Franco-Prussian War. And when that war was over, I came home and tenderly made love to Tipper in a way that any undecided woman voter would find romantic. If I’m entrusted with the office of president, I pledge to deal knowledgeably with any threat, foreign or domestic, by putting it in an ironclad lockbox. Because the American people deserve a president who can comfort them with simple metaphors.

Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security system?

Gore: It’s a vital issue, Jim. That’s why Joe Lieberman and I have proposed changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000 to every senior citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a single penny until the year 2250. In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next 10 years to guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered free to their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help them with the child-proof cap.

Lehrer: Gov. Bush?

Bush: That’s fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have to do math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether I’m going to fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit funds to reroof the sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.

Lehrer: It’s time for closing statements.

Gore: I’m my own man. I may not be the most exciting politician, but I will fight for the working families of America, in addition to turning the White House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper and me.

Bush: It’s time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing no one but Republicans.

Lehrer: Good night.

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The American Response to England’s Revocation of Of Independence

Author Unknown

To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland,

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we’re amused by your quaint belief that you’re actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!

However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.

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