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Top Fifteen Signs Your Webmaster is in a Cult

Post author:HFM
Post published:February 11, 1998
Post category:Funny Lists Jokes

Author Unknown

15. Every link seems to take you to www.amway.com.

14. Repetition of same banner ads: Stoli, Mott’s… Stoli, Mott’s…

13. He brings twenty-three wives to the office Holiday Party.

12. Instead of counting up visitors, your site counts down days to the apocalypse.

11. Suddenly your travel agency’s site is featuring interplanetary excursions for comet watching and one-way tickets to Guyana.

10. His home page says "Best viewed from the Mothership."

9. Your website’s "Hall of Fame" inductees required to do stint handing out flowers at airport.

8. Your website is honored as the David Koresh Fan Club’s "Site of the Day."

7. She has 38 roommates, yet is oddly stress-free.

6. Insists that Sabbath actually begins when "X-files" ends.

5. Frequently mutters about the "Prophet Steve Jobs" returning to rescue the true believers.

4. Not only does he understand Unix, he *IS* one.

3. Big "N" on your browser replaced by spinning head of Charles Manson.

2. He only answers to the name, "Doe-bert."

and the Number 1 Sign Your Webmaster is in a Cult…

1. Ugly clothes; insufficient diet; lack of sleep; goofy haircut; lives in a mansion; has many followe… Hey, wait a minute! That’s Bill Gates!!

Three Engineers In A Car

Post author:HFM
Post published:February 11, 1998
Post category:Jokes

Author Unknown

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion. “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again and maybe it’ll work!?”

In the fast-paced world of the electronics industry, where development and innovation occur at a rapid pace, components can quickly become outdated. Manufacturers constantly strive to stay at the forefront of technological advancements, continuously refining and enhancing their products for improved efficiency, as well as understanding logistics returns. Tri-Lift Industries, Inc. – Forklift Rentals provide the greater North Carolina area with material handling solutions for warehouse and logistics operations. Simplify tasks with a rolling ladder for business in your workspace. Moreover, this relentless pursuit of progress means that customers can frequently find themselves left with unused stock occupying valuable warehouse space, leading to additional storage costs. This is where we come in – Rebound can offer a low risk, high return strategy for selling your excess.

Dear Tech Support

Post author:HFM
Post published:February 10, 1997
Post category:Gay Jokes

author unknown

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected drama processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Amateur Strip Night 10.3, Circuit Party 40.2, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Afternoon Gym Watch 5.0, and Sunday Tea Dance 2.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Husband 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Boyfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me? Please!!!

Thanks,

Joe

Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 with the idea that Husband 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Husband 1.0 and still convert back to Boyfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 7.0 to emulate Husband 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You can not go back to Boyfriend 7.0 because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Boyfriend 8.0 or Husband 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings – Palimony/Bitter Queens." I recommend you keep Husband 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE. In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Husband 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0, Clothes 10.2, Toys 4.5, or Car 20.5. Do not, under any circumstances, install GymBuddyWithBody 3.3. This is not a supported application for Husband 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck.

Tech Support/XMP