Speaking of GeekBling… I ordered a new laptop today for home. I got a 13″ white Macbook: 2.0GHz Intel Core 2 Duo 2GB 667 DDR2 SDRAM-2x1GB 200GB Serial ATA @ 4200 rpm Superdrive 6x No Modem No Optional Software Keyboard/Mac OS Country Kit I’m embarrassed to admit that my current personal device is a graphite
Read on »Posts Tagged: computers
Permutations of Borg…
Author Unknown Uuuh, this is like, Butt-Head of Borg. Uh huh huh huh, uh huh huh huh. You will be ass-eliminated, or something. Uh, huh huh huh. Yeah. Heh heh heh m heh heh m heh heh heh. That’s pretty cool. Ass-eliminated. Heh heh heh heh. This is Buzzcut of Borg. You WILL be assimilated.
Read on »The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don’t Use Computers
Author Unknown 20. Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ’95. 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16. Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear "You’ve Got Mail." 15. Fire
Read on »How Does a Chicken Cross the Road?
Microsoft Chicken (TM): It’s already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
Read on »Apple vs. Microsoft
Author Unknown Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee. "Watch and
Read on »Things You Learn About Computers In The Movies…
Author Unknown Word processors never display a cursor. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences. All monitors display 2 inch high letters. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces. As per their explanation, these computers too will need timely
Read on »Computer Hillbilly
Author Unknown (to the tune of ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’) Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed, A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed, But then one day he was talking to a recruiter, Who said, "they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer…" Windows, that is …
Read on »What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?
Author Unknown General Motors doesn’t have a "help line" for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers – but imagine if they did? HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" HELPLINE:
Read on »Computer One-Liners
Author Unknown Home is where you hang your @ The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. Great groups from little icons grow. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. C: is the
Read on »If God Were A Computer Programmer
Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.
Read on »Techno Toasters
Author Unknown If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Xerox made toasters… You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your
Read on »Watch Out For These Computer Viruses
Author Unknown Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline Luggage Virus: You’re in Chicago, but your data is in Singapore. Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting with them as
Read on »New Y2K Software
Author Unknown This memo is to announce the development of a new database software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so
Read on »Solving The Y0K Problem
Author Unknown While browsing through material in the recesses of the Roman Section of the British Museum, a researcher recently came across a tattered bit of parchment. After some effort he translated it and found it was a letter from a man called Plutonius with the title of "magister factorium," or keeper of the calendar,
Read on »How To Solve The Y2K Problem
Author Unknown The Corporate Office has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: 1. No Y2K problems
Read on »Two Digits for a Date
Author Unknown (sung to the tune of "Gilligan’s Island", more or less) Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date… two digits for a date. Main memory was much smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. "Four
Read on »If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft
Author Unknown Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try
Read on »Things That Would Be Different if Microsoft Built Cars
Author Unknown A particular model year of car wouldn’t be available until AFTER that year, instead of before it. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you’d have to buy a new car. Occasionally your car would die, for no apparent reason, and you’d have to restart it. For some strange reason, you’d
Read on »If Airplanes Ran On Operating Systems
DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc. DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing. Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk
Read on »How Things Would Be Different If Microsoft Headquarters Was In Alabama
Author Unknown Their #1 product would be "Microsoft Winders" Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle. Occasionally you’d bring up a winder that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right", "Naw", or "Git"instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel". Instead
Read on »Top Fifteen Signs Your Webmaster is in a Cult
e brings twenty-three wives to the office Holiday Party.
Read on »Three Engineers In A Car
Author Unknown There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and
Read on »Dear Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 7.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected drama processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
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