I’m trying to figure out when, before the holocaust, the first Jews who escaped said “Oh, crap. We’d better get out of here.” At what point did they realize that staying and trying to combat the political situation wasn’t going to work, and that they’d better get out if they wanted to keep their lives? Were they insightful or just cowards? Were the people who stayed brave fighters, or were they mindless sheep who did nothing and hoped for the best?

Because I’ve just realized in the last day or so that if things start going in that direction, I can’t count on people I thought I could. Who am I kidding? Obviously I think things are “going in that direction” or I wouldn’t be having this internal struggle.
I’m just so tired of fighting this fight over and over again. I’ve been doing it for 18 years, with myself, and with other people. I’m tired of sending letters to the editor, and calling my legislators, and trying to convince people who don’t vote to do so. I’m tired of living in fear, having to close my blinds and hide in my house, having to take down my flag because object to it, and watch where I go and what I do. I’m tired of pretending to be someone else at times.
I’m tired of pouring my heart and soul into thankless projects that people use to their own benefit and discount my contribution to because of who I am. I’m tired of marching, and organizing and writing and trying to justify my life to other people and to myself every morning in the mirror before I go out the door.

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