Laffy Taffy Jokes (the worst jokes in the world)

material provided by the femmes de la grassy knoll (aka my sister & her friends) who were kind enough to eat an entire bag of Laffy Taffy candy (get a bag of your own from!) just to provide content for my website:

Hey, here are the worst jokes in the world for you. Heather likes them, but there’s no accounting for taste. I’m putting on the good and the bad, so don’t complain to me about it. These jokes came from the Laffy Taffy Candy; we don’t vouch for their quality because we didn’t make them up.

Laffy Taffy Jokes
Laffy Taffy Jokes

What happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair? — you rock to the beat.

How do you mend a broken jack o’ lantern? — with a pumpkin patch.

what do you call a lease of false teeth? — a dental rental

Where did the kittens go on the class trip — to the meow-seum.

What goes tick-tock, woof-woof? — a watchdog

What did the art dealer say when a man asked what a picture was supposed to be? — a reflection of you.

what did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date? — shore

What falls down but never gets hurt? — snow

What kind of brush do you use to comb a bee’s hair? — a honey comb

How do you get a peanut to laugh? — you crack it up

Who greets you at a haunted house? — a host ghost

Why did the farmer bury all his money? — to make his soil rich

Where can you find an ocean without water? — on a map

What do you call a horse that likes arts & crafts? — a hobby horse

Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles

What do you call an avid gardener? — herb

If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? — a poul-tree

What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion? — a grape nobody picks on

What did the tree say to the mountain? — stop peaking at me!

What are sailors’ favorite fruits? — naval oranges

Where does a penguin keep his money? — in a snow bank

What did the boy chip say to the girl chip (crisp for the Brits)? — Let’s dance and I’ll dip you.

Why do bees have sticky hair? — they use honeycombs

Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop? — he wanted to get the scoop

Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk? — she broke her angle

What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips? — a chipmonk

What kind of trees sew? — pine trees, they always have needles around

What did the plate say to the other plate? — lunch is on me.

What did the man say when the picture fell on his head? — I’ve been framed!

Did you hear about the mummies who went to the theater? — They gave the actors stage fright

How do you turn soup into gold? — add 24 carrots (karats)

What do you do if a rhino charges you? — Give him your credit card.

Why did they bury the battery? — Because it was dead.

What do sneezes wear on their feet? — ahh-shoes

What do wolves say when they are introduced? — howl do you do?

What does a car run on? — wheels

What did the sink say to the water faucet? — you’re a real drip

where do pigs park their cars? — in a porking lot

Why did the banana leave the cinema? — the film didn’t appeal to him.

Why did the little cookie (biscuit) cry? — because his mother was a wafer so long.

What do you call a hot dog in a bun? — an in betweenie weenie.

Why did the rabbit eat lunch under the sink? — He found a leek there.

How do you make a witch itch? — take away her W

What do you call two guys fighting over a prostitute? — tug of whore
*ok, so that was mine. Just threw it in to see if you were paying attention*

What do you call a crab who plays baseball? — a pinch-hitter

What is the clumsiest bee? — a bumbling bee

What kind of bean can’t grow? — a jelly bean

Whats green and fluffy and comes from mars? — a martian mellow

How does a man on the moon get his hair cut? — eclipse it

What do you do when you have no rubber bands? — find a plastic orchestra

— — — — and some old favorites — — — — — –

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? — time to get a new fence.

What is green, red, and runs 100 mph? — a frog in a blender

What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? — a dead school bus

Why did the man throw his margarine? — he wanted to see the butter fly

What did the finger say to the thumb? — I’m in glove with you (heather’s favorite)

What’s brown and sticky? — a stick!

What’s red and not there? — no tomatoes

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a penguin? — a very cross penguin

How do billboards talk? — Sign language!

What kind of chain is edible? — A food chain!

What did the grass see say to the ball field? — I want to root for you.

How do you shoot a killer bee? — With a bee-bee gun.

Why did the bowling pins stop working? — Because they went on Strike.

Why do fish swim in schools? — Because they can’t walk in schools.

What is a buckaneer? — Expensive corn!

How do you get an alien baby to sleep? — You rocket!

What is a parasite? — Something you see in Paris.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? — To get to the other slide!

How do you get the water into watermelon? — Plant it in the spring!

Why was the boy covered in gift wrap? — His mom told him to “Live in the present!”

This Post Has 220 Comments

  1. Tushar Ray

    Throughly enjoyed …Office work was getting a bit tedious, wanted something to pep me up. Your page did the trick. Brought back memories 40 years back, when we used to impress the girls with these one liners…Cheers

  2. will

    Do doctors make house calls? only when your house is really sick!

  3. ray

    why was it so hot after the football game? because all of the fans left!!! (HA HA HA….by far the best one)

  4. Rebecca

    My personal favorite is the game and fans left as posted above…but the halloween one…

    What did one casket say to the other casket? Is that you coffin?

  5. Clo

    I cant say which is my favorite, but I LOVE the laffy taffy jokes. They are so clever, and cute, and they put me in a good mood.

  6. Peter

    What kind of candy is always late? a choco-late!!!

  7. john

    how do you keep a fish from smelling? put a clothes-pin on its nose!

  8. christina

    Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!

  9. Jay

    Wuts green,black,white,black,green?
    Two pickles fighting for an OREO! bahaha. man o man.

  10. Amy

    Knock Knock.
    Who’s there?
    Cows say.
    Cows say who?
    No silly cows say moo!
    haha gets me everytime! :]

  11. Kristin

    Why did the cowboy buy a weiner dog?
    because someone told him to get along little doggy

  12. Kristin

    Why was Cinderella so bad at sports?
    Because she had a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball

  13. tara

    What did the mexican fire chief name his two sons?
    Hose A and Hose B

  14. Robert

    What are caterpillars afraid of?

  15. adam

    What is Green and Sings?
    Elvis Parsely

  16. amandaaaaaa

    why did the chicken cross the road?
    -to get to the other sideee!
    why did the gummmm cross the road?
    -because it was stuck to the chicken’s feet!!!
    ahhh, hahahaha.

  17. nicoleeeeee

    why did the monkey fall out of the tree?..
    – cause it was dead!…
    why did the duck fall out of the tree?..
    – cause it was stappled to the monkey
    mwa ha ha ha
    much love πŸ˜€

  18. sophia

    this was so great told these to my co- workers in a call center while we where working and it realy made the day go by we all loved it -sophia va beach va

  19. angie

    what do eskimos get when they sit on ice too long?
    POLARoids!! hahahah
    i LOOVE that one:)

  20. megan

    What are the strongest days of the week?
    Saturday& Sunday, The rest are weak-days!
    : ]

    1. charly brown

      Why don’t ducks tell jokes while they are flying?

      Because they would quack up.

  21. Janet

    what is underneath a roosters wing?
    Answer: A Cockpit

  22. Janet

    If there was one, what would be the bounty
    on a pirate?
    Answer: about a buck an ear (buccaneer)

  23. bre

    Q: What did one math book say the other?

    A: I don’t know about you but I have a lot of problems!!!!!

    Non-PG version: add me, subtract the lights, divide your legs and lets multiply!!!!!

  24. jennifer gonzalez

    why was the tomato blushing??
    because it saw the salad dressing!!
    that’s my favorite!!

  25. Kari

    What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer…?

    …One sells watches and the other watches cells.

    I read that one in a Laffy Taffy probably 20 years ago, back when they were wrapped in squares with the jokes printed on the inside of the wrapper.

  26. Christine

    What did the cabbage preacher say to his church?
    Lettuce pray!

  27. Leproduradon

    Wow, some of these are great.

  28. Bryce

    Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
    In his Sleevies!

  29. Christina

    What’s is a dentist’s favorite instrument???
    A tuba tooth paste πŸ™‚

  30. Amanduh

    What did the boy pickle say to the girl pickle?
    You mean a great DILL to me!!

  31. Stephanie

    What does a pig write with?
    An oink pen.
    Why did the children all eat their homework?
    Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

  32. Angela

    Haha these are great! lol real knee slappers =D
    So anways
    What did one sandwich say to the other sandwich?? — your full of bologna!
    Oh gee, i have too much fun with that one

  33. Kyle

    What do yuh call Lassie with a rose in his mouth?
    Collie flower. (cauliflower) πŸ˜›

  34. Kyle Patton

    What do you call a highway potrolman with a diaper on- A pooper trooper!

  35. Tom

    We have taken a vote in our office where we LIVE on Laffy Taffy.
    The top two in the office are:
    What do you call a cow with a twitch?
    Beef Jerky!
    What do Christmas and a cat in the desert have in common?
    Both have Sandy Claws!
    By far the best two

  36. Shauna

    very cute jokes but my fav…
    How do you make a tissue dance?
    you put a little boogie in it!!

  37. lucas

    why was the ocean arrested?
    because he kept beating up on the beach…

  38. Jackie

    my FAVORITE Laffy Taffy joke:
    What kind of cheese isn’t your cheese?!
    NACHO Cheese!!!!
    HAHAHA after all these years, it still makes me laugh =]

    1. Hawthorn Mineart

      I say that one all the time!

  39. arthur

    why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
    cause if they had 4 they would be a chicken sedan
    best joke in the whole WORLD

    1. office joe

      What do girls and sentences have in common?

      They both have periods!!!

  40. Chris Hart

    what do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear!!
    Where did the Spaghetti go to dance? The meat ball!!!!

  41. Pip

    Well my girlfriend told me this one for like every day for a fortnight so I think I have the right to steal it πŸ™‚
    What did one cornflake say to another cornflake?
    I’ll tell you next week it’s a cereal!
    I know it’s one to groan at πŸ™‚

  42. Stephanie

    Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
    He was scared of the bark!

  43. Lacey

    My favorite one is:
    When does it rain money? -when theres change in the weather!!! HHHHAAA!!!

  44. liz

    Why do gorilla’s have big nostrils?
    Because they have big fingers!!!
    Hee Hee Hee!!!!

  45. John

    Whats the best way to brush your hare?
    Hold him firmly by his long ears and brush gently.

  46. Adam

    My son’s fav.
    Why couldnt orange roll UP the hill
    It ran out of JUICE

  47. Stephanie

    Why did the man take a hammer to bed?
    He wanted to hit the sack.
    Why do mother kangaroos hate the rain?
    Because the kids have to play inside all day.

  48. bell

    What do you call a pony with a cough……
    A little hoarse!

  49. the megster

    dude these are awesome!! they make me smile :]]

  50. Alli

    These are cute! I luv laffy taffy!

  51. niki

    why was the belt arrested??????????
    for holding up the pants

  52. Amanda

    LOL these are great — some of my favs:
    What do you call one cow spying on another cow?
    -A steak out.
    Why was the policeman in bed?
    -He was undercover.
    Why was six afraid of seven?
    -Because seven eight(ate) nine!
    There were two muffins in an oven and one muffin turned to the other and said, “MAN! IT”S HOT IN HERE” and the other muffin said, “AHHH! TALKING MUFFIN!”
    LOLOLOLOL!! oh make my day.

  53. dtrask

    What washes up on really small beaches?
    – Microwaves.

  54. Lele

    Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
    -Because if they flew over the bay they would be baygulls! ah haha! BAGELS!!

  55. Kasey

    “What is Green and Sings?
    Elvis Parsely”
    Be more specific… i’ve always heard “whats green and sings blue suede shoes?” with the same answer

  56. Natalie

    Why did the football coach go to the bank?
    To get his Quarterback!!!

  57. Suzie

    How do you make a tissue dance?
    Put a little boogy in it! HAHA!
    LOVE IT!

  58. dave

    If two collars had a race how would it end??? In a tie! lol louv that one

  59. Carrie

    What do you call a bear with no teeth?
    A GUMMY BEAR! =p

  60. SteveDave

    Why don’t ducks laugh?
    – Because they’ll quack up

  61. Jen

    If you are an American in the kitchen, what nationality are you in the bathroom?
    (Not a LT joke, but just as cheesy!)

  62. Hannah

    Why did the cactus cross the road ?
    because he was stuck to the chicken’s back.
    bahahahaha. that’s flippin hilarious !

  63. Will

    What do you call Lassie with a rose in her mouth?
    A cauliflower.

  64. paige <3

    what do a cow and a grape have in common?
    they’re both purple…
    except for the cow!!
    :]] i love that one

  65. brandon

    omg paige.
    i love that one!
    its my favorite :p

  66. Nici

    Why did the mailman run from the tree?
    Because he saw it’s bark.

  67. Jim Jones JR.

    what do you get with a cat and a rock a catrock

  68. Patrick

    What happens when you drop a duck egg? It quacks… so funny : D

  69. Cori

    Why are elephants big and grey??
    -because if they were small and purple they’d be grapes!
    hahaha =]

  70. Stephanie

    Why did the little mouse run away from home?
    Because his father was a rat.
    Why did the sun go to school?
    It wanted to be brighter.

  71. MARY

    Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop!
    What do pigs put on their cuts?….Oinkment

  72. Stephanie

    Why did the ghost sing off key?
    He left his sheet music at home.
    What’s the best way to brush your hare?
    Hold him firmly by his long ears and brush gently.
    I don’t know about that last one, but I transcribed it right off a Laffy Taffy wrapper.

  73. Toby

    What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
    – “Here come the elephants over the hill.”
    What did Tarzan say when he say the elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on?
    – nothing, he didn’t recognize them.

  74. Candice

    Strait from LT wrappers
    What is the best way to keep water from running?
    Don’t pay the water bill.
    How many vampires does it take to put in a light bulb?
    None. Vampires like the dark.
    When does a doctor get mad?
    When he runs out of patients.

  75. Kev

    Why did the sky blush?????
    Cos the sea weed.

  76. Claudette

    My quad group at work buys laffy taffy just so we can tell the jokes in the afternoon. One of our favorites is What did the casket say to the other casket? Is that you coffin…Hilarious!

  77. mike tesmer

    what is smarter than a parrot??
    a spelling bee

  78. Gina Lehr

    Why did the man throw a cheerio off the roof?
    Because he was a cereal killer

  79. Dave S.

    Here’s my favourite joke ever:
    “What’s black and white and isn’t here anymore?”
    “No more oreos.”

  80. leah

    What’s red and smells like blue paint?
    Red paint!

  81. Stephanie

    These aren’t great, but they’re on the Laffy Taffy wrapper in front of me.
    How far did the witch fly?
    Ghost to ghost.
    How does every baseball player get a hit?
    He sings a song.

  82. Nicole

    My friend and I are music people so this made us laugh when we read it from the back of a laffy taffy.
    Why couldn’t Beethoven find his instructor?
    Because he was Haydn.

  83. Stephanie

    Why didn’t the cat like the tree?
    He was afraid of the bark!
    What does a pig put on his cut?

  84. Chris White

    What did the hippo say to the elephant?
    A: Lazerus

  85. Nichole

    Why did the pig go into the kitchen? it felt like bakin’

  86. Nichole

    Why did the pig go into the kitchen? it felt like bakin’

  87. Jill

    Here’s another good one:
    What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus?
    A porky-pine!!!
    Best joke EVER!!

  88. Stephanie

    On my wrapper from Sat. night:
    What is the biggest pencil in the world?
    How do you count cows?
    With a cowculator.

  89. rachel

    Best laffy taffy joke I’ve ever heard.
    Why don’t lobsters share?
    because they’re shellfish!

  90. Kaela Santee

    what do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino??

  91. Corey Skoumal

    What is colorful and has a horn???
    …..a unicorn on top of a magic rainbow!!!!

  92. Corey Skoumal

    What is green and big?
    The world’s largest cucumber

  93. Corey Skoumal

    What do you get when you cross a dragon fly and a head-less horse?
    >>>>Head-less dragon horse fly

  94. bulldog

    What do you call a sleep walking nun?
    A Roman Catholic
    Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?
    Beacause he had noBODY to go with
    These are def my fav haha!!

  95. bulldog

    what do you call a sleep walking nun?
    a roman catholic
    why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?
    because he had noBODY to go with
    these are def my fav haha!!

  96. aisling

    which famous lady rode a camel and carried a lamp?
    florence of arabia!

  97. aisling

    how can you tell if a vampire has a cold?
    he starts coffin!
    hahahahahahahah 8]

  98. aisling

    what is dracula’s favorite ice cream flavour?

  99. aisling

    why don’t you tell a egg a joke? because it will crack up…
    what is snake’s favorite subject?
    why did Tommy throw the clock out the window?because he wanted to see time fly…

  100. pocoloco

    whats green and has 3 wheels??
    grass…i was just kidding about the wheels part πŸ˜‰

  101. shall

    i love this one:
    what’s a cat’s favorite color? purrrrrple πŸ˜€

  102. kassandra cortez

    what do horses do to your teeth when thay buck?buckteeth

  103. Cp

    What do you call a pig that knows karate?
    A: Pork Chop!!!
    ALL time favorite!!
    2 potatoes standing on the side of the road, one’s a prostitute, how do you know which one?
    A: The one w/the IDAHO sticker!!!

  104. anonymous

    Wow these are funny…
    What’s brown, sticky, and goes by “log”?! A STICK!!! lol so funny

  105. lds

    my favorite is
    Two prezels were walking down the street … One was assaulted…
    a salted

  106. Bryon

    did you hear about the circus that came to town? Ya it was in tents…intense get it haha

  107. Heather

    What kind of teeth can you buy for a dollar?
    Buck teeth!

  108. Brigg

    Why did the tomato blush?!?!?!….?
    Because it saw the salad dressing.

  109. Zach

    Why was the little strawberry sad?
    Because his mother was in a jam.

  110. Kassie

    These are from my Laffy Taffy tonight:
    Why did the bowling pins stop working?
    ~Because they went on STRIKE!
    Why do fish swim in schools?
    ~Because they can’t WALK in schools…
    the bowling pins one is one of the best ones I personally have found yet.

  111. damion

    What flies and spins?
    A cow in a tornadoes

  112. Ashleigh Rader

    Ok, here are my favorite:
    What’s worse than raining cats and dogs??
    Hailing a taxi!
    Have you heard the joke about the sidewalk?
    It’s all over town!

  113. joy

    what did the mother cow say to its child on its first day of school? bison.

  114. Sarah

    Why did the bones cross the road?
    They didn’t; the dogs ate them.

  115. Sarah

    Why did the bones cross the road?
    They didn’t; the dogs ate them.

  116. Sam

    What is green and pecks on trees?
    Woody wood pickle!
    What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
    You can’t tuna fish? Get it? tune a, tuna!

  117. bob

    What kind of pants do clouds wear?
    Thunder wear

  118. Shannon

    Why did the mouse sleep under the oil can?
    So it wouldn’t be squeaky in the morning!

  119. tom

    why is there so many people is Ireland?
    cos the capital keeps dublin

  120. matt

    Whats green hairy and in a jar?
    Pickle Me Elmo

  121. Stephanie

    I have a pile of Laffy Taffy wrappers on my desk…
    What do you call a mean-tempered horse?
    A nightmare.
    Where do fish sleep?
    In a water bed!
    What washes up on really small beaches?
    Why didn’t the bear cross the road?
    Because he was beary scared.
    What is a tree’s favorite drink?
    Root beer.
    How does a dinosaur come out of a pool?
    What did King Tut say when he got scared?
    I want my mummy!
    What do you call a grizzly bear standing in the rain?
    A drizzly bear.

  122. Morgan

    What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
    A timeless classic!

  123. anonymous

    What time did the little girl go to the dentist?

  124. Brittany

    Q—What does a Horse Say when It Falls Down???
    A—I have Fallen and I cant GIDDY UP!!!!
    Bahahahha….Lord Have mercy

  125. La'Monda

    CAUSE I B DRESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!

  126. taylor

    fuckin hilarious hahas lolololol OMG

  127. j- money

    lol… that was funny…

  128. Alice

    Why do mother kangaroos hate the rain??
    Because the kids have to play inside all day!!!! HAAAA! …lol…
    I like that one!

  129. jefferson

    Why do eskimos wash their cloths in Tide?
    Because it’s to cold out Tide!

  130. Troy Lane

    Very funny my girl friend is obsessed with these jokes lol

  131. Cassie Dil and Ashley Lid

    I am cracking up. I love the BOLONEY one. Hahahaahahahahahahahahahaha

  132. Cassie Dil and Ashley Lid

    THESEE ARE THE BESTTT! LID AND DIL ARE CRACKING UP!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  133. Amanda

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga??
    You Poke her face (say out loud)

  134. Amanda

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga??
    (say out loud) Poke Her Face.

  135. Jenn

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide. :o)
    Where do dogs park their cars?
    In a barking lot!
    I *heart* Laffy Taffy. :o) Thanks for the jokes.

  136. kyna

    i lovee thesssse…
    why is the ocean waterrr blue?
    cuz the fish go blu-blu-blu-blu
    why did the chicken go to the library?
    to check out a bawk bawk bawk

  137. Kevin

    Why is Peter Pan always flying???
    because he can NEVER NEVER LAND!!!!!!!!!

  138. Kasi

    HAHAHAHAHA I LOVED the poker face joke! My boyfriend loves lt jokes.

  139. juanicia

    why did they bury the battery? BEACAUSE IT WAS DEAD!!! LOL!!

  140. KaitJamm

    How do you make Beef Jerky?
    Tickle a Cow!

  141. nautica


  142. Briar M.

    Why did the banana cross the road?
    Because the chicken was eating it!

  143. Briar M.

    What is a corner’s favorite food?

  144. Briar M.

    What’s black, white, and red all over?
    a newspaper!

  145. Briar M.

    Why did Croc cross the road?
    Because he was chasing the chicken for prey!

  146. Briar M.

    What is black, white, and red all over.
    A zebra in an apple tree!

  147. Briar M.

    What seven letters did the girl say to her closet?

  148. Briar M.

    What did the hamburger say to the steak?
    I’m fat, I need to exercise.

  149. Briar M.

    How many apples does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Because they’re so darn crunchy!

  150. Briar M.

    What is a spaghetti noodle’s favorite dance?
    The meatball

  151. Briar M.

    Why didn’t the berry cross the road?
    Because he was berry scared.

  152. Briar M.

    What do you get when you cross an apple and a plum?
    A plumpple!

  153. Briar M.

    How do monkeys get down the stairs?
    They use the banana-ster!

  154. Briar M.

    What do you call a turtle that flies?
    A shell-icopter!

  155. Briar M.

    What shoes do bananas wear?

  156. Briar M.

    Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef?
    To get to the other tide.

  157. Briar M.

    Which month do people talk the most?
    May, because it’s the beggining of the summer!

  158. Briar M.

    Why did the chicken cross the mountain?
    To get to the other sight.

  159. Briar M.

    What do you get when you cross a banana, an orange, and a pear?
    A bareange!

  160. Briar M.

    What is the wind’s favorite day of the week?

  161. Briar M.

    When is it the best time of the week to make french fries on the grill?

  162. Briar M.

    Why was there tomato sauce all over the town?
    Because there was a tomato tornado.

  163. Briar M.

    What did the little bag of flour ask the girl bag of flour?
    Can you please give me a flour?

  164. Briar M.

    What is the number 2’s favorite day of the week?

  165. Briar M.

    What do you call a strawberry that does not have a straw?
    A rawberry!

  166. Briar M.

    Why did the onions get eaten by the kids?
    Because they scared off the yellow-spotted lizards!

  167. Cu Sith

    Here’s the worst one I’ve ever seen. Swear-to-god I found this on a yellow wrapper. Ready?
    Why didn’t the duck cross the grill?
    Because he didn’t want to be a roast duck!
    That is thanks to Louis H. in St. Louis, MO. Louis H., if you’re reading this: You are NOT funny. But thanks for the best icebreaker ever.

  168. Dagan

    What do you call a carrot mixed with Steven Hoy?
    Carrot Hoy

  169. Darren

    What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? – Make me one with everything.

  170. Johnny M

    What is a Pirates faviorte letter?
    Arggh you would think it was the R but really it is the C (sea) Haha ha ha
    What does a Pirate drink for breakfast? RRRange Juice.

  171. MikeC

    What did the fish say when it hit the wall
    A: DAM

  172. CrazyCarl

    What’s purple and crawls?
    A wounded grape.
    lol this one is retarded but it just gets me.
    here’s more but theyre not laffy taffy jokes..
    What did the doctor say to the midget?
    You’ll just have to be a little patient
    What did one worm say to the other worm?
    Are you my ass?
    A girl listening to her headphones said, “Country music is so sad. It’s all about dogs dying, and people cheating.”
    I asked, “What do you get if you play a country song backwards?”
    “Your dog, car, house, and wife back.”

  173. dsgfyasdgbftr235

    What is the best way to brush your hare?
    Hold it firmly by his long ears and brush gently.
    Worst joke ever….

  174. jake

    What do you call a flower under you nose?
    – tulips

  175. ahmed

    what is a cows favourite movie?

  176. Anonymous

    these are the most stupid jokes i have ever heard……..they still made me laugh and my lil cuz just wasted 10 minutes reading this.

  177. Loretta

    What do you call a cow with a nervous twitch?
    Beef Jerky! (that is my favorite Laffy Taffy Joke)

  178. Doug

    Q: Why did I put deodorant on one arm?
    A. So I know what I would have smelled like!

  179. Stacey

    Why isn’t a nose 12 inches?
    Because then it would be a foot!

  180. Courtnii

    What do you call a Laffy taffy joke that isn’t funny?
    A Laffy tacky joke!!!!!

  181. Adyan

    my cats name is taffy and his brothers name is
    l a ff y!

  182. Whipster

    Q. Why did the moron take a ladder to the bar?
    A. Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
    Q. What did the doctor say to the patient who walked in with a banana in his ear, beans in his nose, and a salad on his head?
    A. You’re not eating right.
    Q. What happened to the moron hockey team?
    A. They drowned during spring training.
    Q. What coat do you put on wet?
    A. A coat of paint.
    Two morons are walking toward each other on a country road. One is carrying a bag over his shoulder.
    “What’s in the bag?”, asked one moron.
    “Chickens”, replied the other.
    “If I guess how many, can I have one of them?”
    “You can have both of them!”
    “Ok. Five?”

  183. Dawn


  184. BBBBritt

    What did the horse with Life Alert say?
    Help! I’ve fallen and i cant Giddy Up!

  185. Shaun

    Favorite Laffy Taffy Jokes:
    How do Billboards talk??? —-They use sign language!
    What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar? —Buck teeth!
    Why did the old lady tie roller skates to her rocking chair? —Because she wanted to rock and roll!
    Why did the man put his car in the oven? —Because he wanted a Hot Rod!
    Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? —He had no body to go with!
    Why did the boy take a ruler to bed with him? —To see how long he slept!

  186. Nick

    What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
    Where’s my tractor?

  187. Brandi

    What is green an pecks on trees?. . .Woody Wood Pickle!

  188. Kristie

    OH MY FREAKIN GOD!!! i love that joke, i seriously tell it to ppl all the time!!!

  189. chrisibooBW

    What clothes do you put on for church? Holy Clothes!

  190. Miah

    Lmaooo i enjoyed the 1st part, i can crack up to these jokes every time i read 1. I love these jokes.

  191. Edrei navas

    why did the spirit join the baseball team? To give them team spirit

  192. cori

    What do you call a man in your mail box with no arms and no legs?
    – Bill
    What do you call a man in water with no arms and no legs?
    – Bob
    What do you call a man with on arms and no legs on your front porch?
    – Matt
    What do you call a lady with one eye and one leg?
    – Ilene (i lean)
    Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
    – Because pepper water would make them sneeze

  193. Trayaa and Zandra

    My little sister and I have been trying to figure out for hours now, what on earth is a flash garden, and why does it have the most vegetables???????

  194. Trayaa and Zandra

    Wat the hell is a flash garden and why does it have the most vegetables?????????

  195. Kendall

    haha why did the boy take toilet paper to the party?
    he was a party pooper!

  196. Dale

    You hear bout the race between the Lettuce, the Tomato and the Faucet?
    The Lettuce was Ahead.
    The Tomato couldn’t Ketchup.
    And the Faucet just kept right on running…

  197. nick

    what color is a burp?

  198. jack

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
    Poker Face

  199. stephanie

    you: why did the chicken cross the road?
    them: i dont know
    you: to get to your house!!
    … long awkward pause …
    you: knock knock
    them: who’s there?
    you: the chicken!!!

  200. Alyssa

    What is the nickname for a monkey with pants? MONKEY PANTS!!!!!!!!
    I love that one!:)

  201. Emmett

    OMG i love it, makes me giggle and laugh in the middle of class

  202. Dennis Steele

    Whitney Myler knew all the answers, just to let you know. Shes great.

  203. Tommy

    What a bow u can’t tie? a rainbow

  204. claire

    Why doesn’t a seagull fly over the bay?
    Because then it would be a baygull!

  205. Laura Atkin

    What’s the first step in throwing a party in space?
    You planet.

  206. Evan

    What is an owl’s favorote subject?
    – OWL-gebra

  207. Yakov Yosef Cohn

    What has two knees and Swims?
    A twokneefish

  208. Amanda

    What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.

  209. Taylor Whitten

    what is the definition of a farmer? Someone who is outstanding in his field πŸ˜‰

  210. office joe

    Where does a one legged waitress work?


    What did the doctor say to the midget in the waiting room?

    You just have to be a little patient.

  211. Roni

    i found one yesterday and it made me crack up

    what did the horse say when he fell down?
    -help! ive fallen and i can’t giddy-up!

  212. carl

    what driver will never get arrested ?

    A screw driver !

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  215. Stringbean

    What do you call a T Rex that joined the circus? A carni-vore.

  216. Brittany

    What does a girl ghost wear in her hair? A dead band
    What kind of meat do dogs cook on the grill on the 4th of July? Bark-Beque

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