Movies

The Chronicles of Narnia Movie

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I so wanted to like this movie, because I loved the books as a kid. I re-read the books in 1997 and didn’t enjoy them as much as I had when I was young, but there still was a lot of the magic there, even though some of the story bothered me.
But this movie… I hated it. I didn’t empathize with any of the characters. The story itself didn’t make any sense (which, to be fair, is also the case with the books) and a couple of inserted scenes really struck the wrong note with me.

To start out with, they spent a huge amount of time at the beginning of the movie focusing on the children and their mother in London being bombed during WWII while their father fights in the war. All of this was completely invented and never appeared in the book, where the children’s arrival at their uncle’s house is all of two sentences, and their parents both stay in London. The heavy-handedness of this insertion throws the movie off-balance later, when the children don’t hurry back home. I wouldn’t lolly-gag around being royal if my mom was being bombed and my dad was in a war.

Some of the rest of the story line seemed absurd on screen. The children’s immediate and unquestioning loyalty towards Aslan seemed odd; it’s addressed in the book but that never makes it’s way to the screen. The Narnia folk keep calling the children the saviors of the world, but there’s no reason why anyone should think that, based on the children’s behavior. And the children never actually do anything other than traipse around through the countryside, and participate in a battle that all of the folk who live in Narnia also perform valiantly in. So why do the kids get crowned, and not the beavers?

The sequence at the frozen waterfall where Peter wusses out of killing the wolf was also an invention and not in the book. I HATED this scene, mainly because it was the first of many where Peter stands around awkwardly holding a sword out away from his body. Pull your elbow in kid, or they’ll just knock it out of your hand. And while you’re at it, wave it around a bit and at least try to look intimidating. The whole scene didn’t make any sense; why not walk across the frozen falls at the top, like the wolves did, rather than climbing down to cross over the melting ice?

During the battle, Peter turns to look at his centaur general and asks “Are you with me?” I should hope so, dork, he’s standing right there.

The one bone they threw me was at the very end, where Susan kills the dwarf before it can kill a wounded Edmund. That wasn’t in the book, and is probably intended to temper the wide-spread criticism from the book that the girls are not allowed to participate in the battle (why give her arrows at all?) while the boys are.

My expectations were probably way too high for this movie, given how much I loved the books as a kid. But still, they could have tried to rise to the occasion…

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If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy – your life appeals to a select few.
But if someone’s obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.

Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

Showgirls? Ahem. No.

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Favorite Movie List

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I answered this movie meme several years ago. I need to update it quite a bit, but since I received another meme recently asking the 10 movies I hate, I thought I’d combine them.

10 Favorite Comedies

  1. Auntie Mame
  2. Amelie
  3. Shakespeare in Love
  4. Twelfth Night
  5. Much Ado About Nothing
  6. There’s Something About Mary
  7. Breakfast At Tiffany’s
  8. The Truth About Cats and Dogs
  9. Southpark: Bigger, Longer, Uncut
  10. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love

10 Favorite Dramas

  1. Joan of Arc – the miniseries
  2. The Matrix
  3. Fight Club
  4. Life is Beautiful
  5. All the President’s Men
  6. Pleasantville
  7. Sense and Sensibility
  8. The Usual Suspects
  9. American Beauty
  10. Donnie Darko

10 Favorite Musicals

  1. The Wizard of Oz
  2. The Sound of Music
  3. The Music Man
  4. Grease
  5. Singin’ In the Rain (I can’t put it higher on the list, because the others are childhood favorites)
  6. Camelot
  7. Oklahoma
  8. Oliver
  9. West Side Story

10 Favorite Tear-Jerkers

  1. Terms of Endearment
  2. Beaches
  3. Steel Magnolias
  4. The Madness of King George
  5. It’s a Wonderful Life
  6. Waking Ned Devine

10 Favorite Action/Mystery/Thriller/Western Movies

  1. Rear Window
  2. Vertigo
  3. North By Northwest
  4. Dial ‘M’ for Murder
  5. Marnie
  6. King Kong (1933)
  7. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
  8. Wild Things

Movie Characters You Wish You Could Be

  1. Auntie Mame
  2. Tyler Durden
  3. Gina Gershon’s character in Bound
  4. Professor Harold Hill from The Music Man because as a kid I wanted to kiss Shirley Jones.
  5. George Bailey from “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Jimmy Stewart was a pretty stand-up guy.

Ten Movies You Hate

You have to take into account here that there are lots of crappy movies I didn’t see; these are just ones I did see.

  1. Closer. (read my rant on this movie here)
  2. Jaws (never seen beyond the opening sequence because it’s too scary).
  3. The Piano. New Rule: Harvey Keitel is not allowed to be naked anywhere, even in the shower.
  4. Basic Instinct. Because all lesbians are hot blonde killers. And we have nothing better to do with our lives than chase your lame, paunchy ass around with an ice pick. Right.
  5. Pieces of April (started to watch this dismal movie on HBO, quit halfway through.)
  6. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
  7. Forrest Gump (It’s okay to not think. Smart people will kill themselves.)
  8. Pretty Woman. You don’t need me to explain, do you?
  9. Apocalyse Now. I know I’m supposed to like that “heart of darkness” shit, but I’m sorry, I just can’t sympathize with toxic masculinity.
  10. Chuck & Buck. I’ll admit I only remember this movie after seeing it on other worsts lists. I did hate the hell out of it, though.
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Movie Theater Police States

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Boing Boing has an article on movie theaters introducing the idea of patting down customers and “coat checking” camera phones and cameras to prevent “copyright infringement” of movies. Apparently this is common at previews in California and is now making it’s way to Toronto and other theaters.
Yeah, good idea. I’m giving you my camera? No fucking way.
I can get a Netflix account and you can kiss my ass.

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Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From 1980s Horror Movies

David Speakman

With the fast-approaching Halloween season here are some helpful hints:

When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it’s really dead.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house — move away immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other place of the dead.

If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it’s just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.

If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

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MacGuffin

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Wikipedia definition of the Alfred Hitchcock concept of a MacGuffin.

In fiction, a MacGuffin (sometimes McGuffin) is a plot device in the form of some goal, desired object, or other motivator that the protagonist pursues, often with little or no narrative explanation. The MacGuffin’s importance to the plot is not the object itself, but rather its effect on the characters and their motivations.

The MacGuffin technique is common in films, especially thrillers. Usually, the MacGuffin is revealed in the first act, and thereafter declines in importance. It can reappear at the climax of the story but may actually be forgotten by the end of the story. Multiple MacGuffins are sometimes derisively identified as plot coupons.

Definitive List of Hitchcock McGuffins

Also, Hitchcock Mania has a collection of stills from all of the Hitchcock films, including several MacGuffins.

Rope MacGuffin - The Wrong Hat

Rope MacGuffin – The wrong hat

The Spare Key to the Apartment

Dial M for Murder MacGuffin – the spare key to the apartment

Strangers on a Train MacGuffin

Strangers on a Train MacGuffin – The lighter implicating Farley Granger

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The Long Tail

[Navigated to by way of Steven Johnson’s Blog. Johnson is the author of Everything Bad Is Good for You: How Today’s Popular Culture Is Actually Making Us Smarter which I read recently.]
Quoting from Wikipedia:

The phrase The Long Tail, as a proper noun, was first coined by Chris Anderson. Beginning in a series of speeches in early 2004 and culminating with the publication of a Wired Magazine article in October 2004, Anderson described the effects of the long tail on current and future business models. Anderson observed that products that are in low demand or have low sales volume can collectively make up a market share that rivals or exceeds the relatively few current bestsellers and blockbusters, if the store or distribution channel is large enough. Examples of such mega-stores include Amazon.com, Netflix and even Wikipedia.

Meaning that if you’re into some obscure punk band that no one but you and two people in Idaho have heard of, some businesses with large distribution channels can provide them to you, and their business on small demand items can exceed business for large demand items. Which explains who so many obscure movies are now being released on DVD, where there’s now a market for them via Internet companies that don’t need to provide a physical store to house them.

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