Movie Review: Closer

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Dan (Jude Law) is walking down the street one day when he runs into Alice (Natalie Portman) who, while staring at Dan, is hit by a car. He helps her to the hospital, and then begins a romance with her, despite the fact that she looks like jailbait and there’s not a single hint of chemistry between them at all.

They’re in a relationship for a year, during which Dan, who is a “writer” without a single original thought in his head, cribs Alice’s life story (you can only do that once, dummy!) and gets a bestseller as a result. During a PR photoshoot for the book, Dan meets Anna (Julia Roberts) and makes a play for her, while admitting that he’s in a relationship with Alice. Anna blows him off, but you can see she’s charmed by him, which hey, when confronted by a lying philanderer who oozes disrespect for you, who wouldn’t be?

As payback for not hopping in the sack with him, Dan picks up nutjob Larry (Clive Owen) in an online chat and sends him in the direction of Anna, a particularly cruel and dangerous joke that no one ever takes him to task for. Larry just manages to conceal that he’s a sexual predator/sociopath while meeting Anna, and they hook up and marry. Because Anna’s into the whole disrespect/degradation thing, as we’ve already seen with Dan.

Eventually Dan and Anna hook up, and Larry tries to make it with Alice but can’t because he’s such a loser, and there’s much stormy confrontation and accusations about everyone’s behavior. And then there’s a weird non-ending that ties up no loose ends, brings about no revelations, and causes no growth or changes in anyone’s behavior. The End.

In case you can’t tell from my outline of the plot, I thought this movie was a steaming pile of… I’d say shit, but that seems too polite. I hated the fact that everyone in the movie was lying and cheating on everyone else, but they each expect the others to tell them the truth and be faithful. And when they didn’t get what they wanted, they had big screaming hissy fits about it.

I especially hate the fact that this movie is getting critical raves — it makes me a little afraid of my fellow man. Um, people are not allowed to act this way, folks, and if you know people who are like this, or if you yourself are like this, I’d like you far away from me, please. Come to think of it, I have some ex-partners who probably LOVED this movie.

I’m sorry, but there was nothing interesting on that screen to me at all. Sure, all the actors were beautiful at first glance, but five minutes into meeting each character made them uglier than dirt. I couldn’t even ignore the actors and stare at the sets, because they were all cold, sterile and hostile. No wonder these people are so unhappy; look at their apartments. The only remotely redeeming thing about this movie, is that in the scene where we meet Anna, she’s wearing some very cool corduroy mens trousers that look great on her. I actually pointed out that I wanted those pants.

Entertainment Weekly is predicting that this movie with get some Oscar consideration with possible nominations for Clive Owen and Natalie Portman for Supporting Actors, and perhaps “Best Adapted Screenplay.” The idea makes me want to vomit. But in I guess we live in George Bush’s America, so viscious, nilhistic behavior and self-righteousness are bound to be rewarded.

Rating

One Half
I’m giving this half a star for Julia Robert’s pants.

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Weekend Update 2004-03-29

So I spent the whole weekend moving at a leisurely pace, which was very refreshing after months of whirlwind activity.
Friday night was Girl’s Game Night at Vic’s/Outword Bound, which is always very fun. I bought The Truth About Jane and Tipping the Velvet on DVD from Outword Bound, which now has an online store, by the way. Check it out and buy something. We played Apples to Apples and Catchphrase, which are fun standards. I brought one of my games, Teams of Enemies, but we had too many people to play it. Next month’s Very Special Girls Game Night will be held at my house for change of scenery.

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paper moon

I saw the 1973 movie “Paper Moon” on TCM on Monday. I’d never seen it before; it was a great movie. Tatum O’Neal was a terrific kid actor. The soundtrack was great, too — Depression era jazz. I searched around but found there was never officially a soundtrack released for it, although someone put together a long out of print LP a couple of years after the movie came out. I managed to find a playlist of the songs from the movie, however. I think I’ll try to put together my own version.
1. It’s Only A Paper Moon–Paul Whiteman
2. About A Quarter To Nine–Ozzie Nelson
3. (It Will Have To Do) Until The Real Thing Comes Along–Leo Resiman with Larry Stewart
4. Flirtation Walk–Dick Powell
5. Just One MOre Chance–Bing Crosby
6. One Hour With You–Jimmie Grier with Donald Novis
7. I Found A Million Dollar Baby–Victor YOung with The Boswell Sisters
8. The Object Of My Affection–Jimmie Grier with Pinky Tomlin
9. Georgia On My Mind–Hoagy Carmichael
10. A Picture Of Me Without You–Paul Whiteman with Ken Darby and Ramona
11. On The Banks Of The Ohio–The Blue Sky Boys
12. My Mary–Jimmy Favis
13. After You’ve Gone–Tommy Dorsey
14. Let’s Have Another Cup Of Coffee–Enric Madgriguera and His Hotel Biltmore Orchestra
15. Sunnyside Up–Johnny Hamp’s Kentucky Serenaders with Frank Luther

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Weekend Update 2004-02-09

So, this weekend I learned how to use my miter saw and Kathy helped me cut the baseboards for the living room. Then we went out Saturday night to a open mike concert that was quite fun. We saw DJ and Chi and Tracy and hung out listening to some great music. I ended up buying some CDs. Then Kathy and I went downtown briefly to meet her family. Her mom and mine look a lot a like; it’s very odd.
Sunday I did some trim work around the ceiling in the living room that was not as successful as I would have liked. I’ll have to redo it later, but for now, I’m leaving it, because I was very grumpy about it. Hopefully no one will notice the flaws. I got some of the baseboards stained. More to be done tonight and throughout the week. I’m hoping to nail the baseboards in place by Saturday, and then begin the move into the room. I can’t wait. I saw The Hours, it was very interesting. And, as always, I enjoyed The L-Word.

Continue ReadingWeekend Update 2004-02-09