Photoshop Hacks: Choose Your Own Adventure Novels

My brother Todd had a ton of the Choose Your Own Adventure novels (the early version of video games). Check out Something Awful’s photoshop contest for “Rejected CYOA Books.”
My favorites are “Don’t Bother, You Die In Most of the Endings Anyway” and “Everyone Wants to Touch My Giant Snake and Jewels.”
Also: “Shrödinger’s Cat. Choose from 2 possible endings.”

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Photos of the Black Civil Rights Movement

The Birmingham News discovers in its archives dozens of old, previously unpublished photographs from the black civil rights movement. Very cool. Check out the pictures of the freedom riders, and also see the protests at Birmingham high schools when black students enrolled. This is the kind of stuff that people need to see to understand exactly how bad things really were.

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Fun Things To Do At WalMart

These are jokes, and not intended to be taken seriously. Please view the site disclaimer.

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it.

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

Try on bras over top of your clothes.

Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible… "I smell sex and candy"

Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, I think we’ve got a Code 3 in housewares,and see what happens.

Tune all the radios to a polka station – then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from the other aisles.

Put M&M’s on layaway.

Move Caution: Wet Floor signs to carpeted areas.

Set up a tent in the camping department tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Nonchalantly test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won’t you people just leave me alone?’

Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. X-Men.

While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

Switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the restrooms.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission:Impossible.

Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.

In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.

Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “pick me, pick me.”

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, No, no- It’s those voices again.

If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Go into the dressing room and yell real loud…”Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”

Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!".

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Fun Things To Do in the Office

These are jokes, and not intended to be taken seriously. Please view the site disclaimer.

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are. However it doesn’t work if your boss copies you already.)

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That’s a good point, Sparky." "No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."

Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom."

"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."

Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your e-mail address be "xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.

For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.

Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc… in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none… Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you’ve got to be faster than that."

Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Name all your pens and insist that meetings can’t begin until they’re all present.

Come to work in your pajamas.

Compose all your e-mail in the form of a Haiku.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver. Include a piece of your children’s artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don’t have children, draw stick figures yourself.)

Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.

Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald’s Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.

Plant a hedge around your cubicle.

When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing," and leave.

Organize a carpool. Then go to pick everyone up in a taxi.

Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn’t turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.

While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".

Send out flyers to your entire department/division announcing a required staff development program. When everyone arrives, show them slides from your vacation.

Tell everyone that you are quitting. At your going away party, announce that you were just joking. Make sure to take their presents.

Send out a notice saying that you have a brain tumor. After everyone in your office sends flowers and presents, send out another note telling everyone that it was not a brain tumor but just a bad headache.

When answering your phone, talk in a fake British accent.

Take a picture of your boss and have it framed. Display it in a prominent location on your desk.

Whenever a fellow staff member sneezes, quickly yell "SHUT UP!" If they sneeze a second time, follow up with "I SAID SHUT UP!". A third time, leave the room crying while saying "NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!".

In the summertime, get an inflatable swimming pool. Blow it up and fill it with water. Place it in the center of your office. During lunch time, put on your bathing suit and lounge in the pool. Anytime someone walks by, yell "HEY NO RUNNING AROUND THE POOL!"

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

Reply to everything someone says with "that’s what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE..

type only in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

While sitting in your cube, yodel.

Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

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Kids suspended for massive food fight

I love kids, and this is why. Rock on, kids.

Associated Press, CHESTERTON, Ind. — A massive middle school food fight left several students suspended and the eighth-grade class footing the cleaning bill that included the cost of scraping mashed potatoes off the ceiling.
Last week’s fight at Chesterton Middle School left ceiling tiles damaged and could cost the students as much as $1,000 to pay for overtime, maintenance and repairs, said Duneland School Corporation Superintendent Dirk Baer. “It wasn’t just one or two kids throwing grapes,” Baer said. “There were mashed potatoes sticking to the ceiling.”
Security cameras captured the fracas that broke out about halfway through the 25-minute lunch period Wednesday at the school in the town 15 miles east of Gary.
The school suspended between six and 10 students for two or three days for launching the day’s menu of chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes and milk into the air.
As many as 50 students might have been involved. Principal Jim Ton recommended one student be expelled.
Cleaning costs will be taken from the eighth grade’s extracurricular activity fund.
Baer said the whole class was punished because many of the grade’s 500 students knew about plans for the food fight but failed to alert administrators.
“It was planned and it was widely known that it would happen, but nobody said anything,” Baer said. “Everybody has to take responsibility.”

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