Which Historical Lunatic Are You?

Before getting into the topic you must be aware of intellectual property violations. Austin trademark lawyers can help you to sort out trademark related issues. You are Joshua Abraham Norton, first and only Emperor of the United States of America!
Born in England sometime in the second decade of the nineteenth century, you carved a notable business career, in South Africa and later San Francisco, until an entry into the rice market wiped out your fortune in 1854. After this, you became quite different. The first sign of this came on September 17, 1859, when you expressed your dissatisfaction with the political situation in America by declaring yourself Norton I, Emperor of the USA. You remained as such, unchallenged, for twenty-one years. Within a month you had decreed the dissolution of Congress. When this was largely ignored, you summoned all interested parties to discuss the matter in a music hall, and then summoned the army to quell the rebellious leaders in Washington. This did not work. Magnanimously, you decreed (eventually) that Congress could remain for the time being. However, you disbanded both major political parties in 1869, as well as instituting a fine of $25 for using the abominable nickname “Frisco” for your home city. Your days consisted of parading around your domain – the San Francisco streets – in a uniform of royal blue with gold epaulettes. This was set off by a beaver hat and umbrella. You dispensed philosophy and inspected the state of sidewalks and the police with equal aplomb. You were a great ally of the maligned Chinese of the city, and once dispersed a riot by standing between the Chinese and their would-be assailants and reciting the Lord’s Prayer quietly, head bowed. Once arrested, you were swiftly pardoned by the Police Chief with all apologies, after which all policemen were ordered to salute you on the street. Your renown grew. Proprietors of respectable establishments fixed brass plaques to their walls proclaiming your patronage; musical and theatrical performances invariably reserved seats for you and your two dogs. (As an aside, you were a good friend of Mark Twain, who wrote an epitaph for one of your faithful hounds, Bummer.) The Census of 1870 listed your occupation as “Emperor”. The Board of Supervisors of San Francisco, upon noticing the slightly delapidated state of your attire, replaced it at their own expense. You responded graciously by granting a patent of nobility to each member. Your death, collapsing on the street on January 8, 1880, made front page news under the headline “Le Roi est Mort”. Aside from what you had on your person, your possessions amounted to a single sovereign, a collection of walking sticks, an old sabre, your correspondence with Queen Victoria and 1,098,235 shares of stock in a worthless gold mine. Your funeral cortege was of 30,000 people and over two miles long. The burial was marked by a total eclipse of the sun.
I'm Joshua Abraham Norton, the first and only Emperor of the United States of America!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

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Which Presidential Candidate Are You?

You’re John Kerry! (Yeah, no shit.)
The son of a community activist and a World War Two Air Corps pilot, you voluntarily joined the army to serve in Vietnam as you neared the end of your college years at Yale. There you earned a Silver Star, a Bronze Star with Combat V, and three Purple Hearts. However, during your tour of duty you became disillusioned with the involvement of the United States, and as soon as you left you became a spokesman for Vietnam Veterans Against the War. This was your introduction to politics; you then proceeded to help convict an organised crime head, and create rape counselling centres across New England.
In 1984 you were elected to the Senate, and there you remain, a seasoned politician fighting for progressive values. You’re one of the wealthiest politicians in the country, and are happily married to the heiress to the Heinz empire – without any bit of sauce on the side. In 2004, after a very strong fight, you accepted the Democratic Party nomination.
I'm John Kerry!
Which Presidential Candidate Are You?Rung from Rum and Monkey’s very own liberty bell.

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Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?

Dust off your flugelhorn and heat up the sausages, ’cause you’re The Swiss!
Decked in neutrality for almost a billion years now, the Swiss are always the favourites to survive any nuclear conflict. Not only do they have the most amazing dress sense, but they’ve also got keen technical knowhow, a very logical cultural heritage and seventeen extra feet which they keep in their heads. The Swiss are stereotypically associated with cuckoo clocks, chocolate, fondue and yodelling; it should be pointed out that they also enjoy running through the hills, goat farming and keeping the Earth safe from alien scum.
I'm Swiss, yodelodelodelay-hee-foo'
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.

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