Archives: 1996

RE: Organizational Changes at the North Pole

Author Unknown The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining was necessary due to the North Pole’s loss of dominance of the season’s gift

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Press Release: Christmas Downsizing

Author Unknown Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas"subsidiary: The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be

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Ken’s Letter To Santa

Dear Santa, I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to

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Barbie’s Letter to Santa

Author Unknown Dear Santa, Listen you fat little troll, I’ve been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT’S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!

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Families Never Sought Gay Men Found Dead On Estate

By Ken Kusmer / Associated Press INDIANAPOLIS — From rural communities across Indiana, young gay men have moved to the big city, leaving behind their families to find a place where they could openly express their sexuality. When some of them began disappearing, no one came looking for them. Years later, at least four gay

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Same-Sex Marriage

The biggest fallacy in this debate is the belief that gay men and lesbians aren’t able to get married right now. Not only are there thousands of married gay and lesbian couples, they’ve been getting married for decades. There are several aspects to marriage; among them a legal aspect, a religious aspect, a social aspect,

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Darwin Awards 1996

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

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Three Men and the Cannibal

Author Unknown Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men

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The $5,000 Loan

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

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Couple On A Train

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

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Sex Education

A High School teacher was giving his class a difficult assignment, he stressed the importance of this particular assignment. He said that no excuses would be accepted, unless there was an illness-with a doctor’s note; or a death in the family-with a death certificate.

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Jack and Bob

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

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Nun’s Tale

Author Unknown A nun catches a ride in a taxi. As the taxi is going along, the nun notices that the cab driver keeps looking at her in the rearview mirror. She says, "What is it my son?" The cabbie replies, "Oh, I’m too embarrassed to say, sister." She says, "Please, feel free to say

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Three Wishes

Author Unknown One day in the great forest, a magical frog was hopping down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance, today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner, and they passed by the frog.

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The Theological Significance of Tinky Winky

Author Unknown Tinky Winky, gay? Au contraire. As any person of faith who has ever watched Teletubbies understands, Tinky Winky is actually a powerful symbol of God’s word made flesh. Or rather, plush. First of all, Tinky Winky is purple, the color of royalty and the ancient priesthood. As it is written in The Song

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Some lesbian jokes, removed

Author Unknown Post from February 10, 1996 is REDACTED. 2013 Update: I removed the list that was “funny rules of lesbian living” from this site because I’ve been undergoing a harassment campaign from the woman who claims to have originated the list, threatening me with a cease and desist and threatening to report me to

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