work jokes

When you take a long time on a project, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time on a project, she/he’s thorough.

When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, she/he’s too busy.

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, she/he’s only human.

When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, she/he’s being firm.

When you overlook a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, she/he’s being original.

When you try to please your boss, you’re being sycophantic.
When your boss pleases his/her boss, she/he’s being cooperative.

When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, she/he’s on business.

When you have one too many drinks at a social, you’re a drunk.
When your boss does the same, she/he appreciates fine wine.

When you’re a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, she/he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because she/he’s overworked.

1. It’s an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increased job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don’t care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn’t so embarrassing.

16. Employees work later since there’s no longer a need to relax at the bar.

17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

18. Everyone agrees they work better after they’ve had a couple of drinks.

19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.

21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.

22. The janitor’s closet will finally have a use.

23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."

25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common, not just restricted to the higher ups.