Posts Tagged: Windows

The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don’t Use Computers

Author Unknown 20. Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ’95. 19. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit. 16. Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear "You’ve Got Mail." 15. Fire

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Apple vs. Microsoft

Author Unknown Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee. "Watch and

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Things You Learn About Computers In The Movies…

Author Unknown Word processors never display a cursor. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences. All monitors display 2 inch high letters. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces. Those that don’t will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells

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Computer Hillbilly

Author Unknown (to the tune of ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’) Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Jed, A poor college kid, barely kept his family fed, But then one day he was talking to a recruiter, Who said, "they pay big bucks if ya work on a computer…" Windows, that is …

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What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

Author Unknown General Motors doesn’t have a "help line" for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers – but imagine if they did? HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" HELPLINE:

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Computer One-Liners

Author Unknown Home is where you hang your @ The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. Great groups from little icons grow. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. C: is the

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New Y2K Software

Author Unknown This memo is to announce the development of a new database software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS). Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so

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Solving The Y0K Problem

Author Unknown While browsing through material in the recesses of the Roman Section of the British Museum, a researcher recently came across a tattered bit of parchment. After some effort he translated it and found it was a letter from a man called Plutonius with the title of "magister factorium," or keeper of the calendar,

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How To Solve The Y2K Problem

Author Unknown The Corporate Office has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: 1. No Y2K problems

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Two Digits for a Date

Author Unknown (sung to the tune of "Gilligan’s Island", more or less) Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date… two digits for a date. Main memory was much smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. "Four

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If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft

Author Unknown Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try

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Things That Would Be Different if Microsoft Built Cars

Author Unknown A particular model year of car wouldn’t be available until AFTER that year, instead of before it. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you’d have to buy a new car. Occasionally your car would die, for no apparent reason, and you’d have to restart it. For some strange reason, you’d

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If Airplanes Ran On Operating Systems

DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc. DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing. Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk

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Three Engineers In A Car

Author Unknown There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and

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