Blog Archives

Delicious Nut Sale – Update

Several years ago, I posted a memo that went around at work — It was a fund-raising notice from Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana announcing their “Delicious Annual Nut Sale” to raise money for their programs. Funny, right? Yesterday, one of

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Delicious Annual Nut Sale (Spay-Neuter Serv.)

I know this “true story” is true, because it’s an actual memo that got sent around our work email.

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Darwin Awards 2001

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

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Darwin Awards 2000

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

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Silly State Laws

North Carolina: It is illegal to make love on the floor of a hotel room between two double beds.

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The Raft

And you thought this only happened in the movies. Jerry swears this story about a rubber boat really happened to him…

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A Heartwarming Story

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

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Customer "Support" At A Phone Company

I work in Boston, Massachusetts. A co-worker just told me this true story that happened to him this morning. He had a dispute about a phone-card bill for long distance service from his long-distance carrier, which we shall refer to by the three-letter acronym TLA to protect the guilty.

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Accidental Accident Reports

The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. Such instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that incompetency can be highly entertaining.

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In the Park

Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:

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The Landing

This is in fact a true letter written by an 8-year-old onboard a Quantus flight. She handed it to a flight attendant to give to the captain.

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Actual Label Instructions On Consumer Goods

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

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College Chemistry Humor

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

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Actual News Headlines

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

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Ain’t Kids A Gas?

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? I hope you remember my story when they start getting frustrated.

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English as a Fifth Language

These sayings were on a pad of paper my boss got in Chinatown:

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Actual Driving School Exam Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

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Student Bloopers, Part 8 – Mars and Venus

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here’s a prime example of the differences between Men and Women offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University

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Student Bloopers, Part 7 – Science Facts & Legends

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.’

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Student Bloopers, Part 6 – High School Essay Contest: Worst Analogies

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

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Student Bloopers, Part 5 – Quotes from 11 Year-Old’s Science Exams

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

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Student Bloopers, Part 4 – Where They Get It

A list of parental excuses supposedly sent to teachers. In these samples, names were replaced with either Fred or Mary to protect innocent and guilty alike.

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Student Bloopers, Part 3 – Children’s Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

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Student Bloopers Part 2 – World History

Author: Richard Lederer, St. Paul’s School One of thefringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from

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Student Bloopers, Part 1 – European History

Those who forget history–and the English language–may be condemned to mangle both. Historian Anders Henriksson, a five- year veteran of the university classroom, has faithfully recorded his freshman students’ more striking insights into European history. Possibly as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has assembled these fractured fragments into a chronological narrative from the Middle Ages to the present.

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