Blog Archives

Guaranteed Not To Tax Your Mind

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’

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Priorities

A man was walking up the street, when he passed by a Catholic Church. He noticed smoke pouring out of the building. He ran inside, and yelled to the Priest, “Father, Father!! Your Church is on Fire!” The Priest grabbed

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How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It Takes 300: 12 to sit on the board which appoints the nominating and personnel committee. 5 to sit on the the nominating and personnel committee which appoints the House committee. 8 to sit on the house committee which appoints

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Pop Quiz!

You are riding on a beautiful white horse. On your right side is a drop off. On your left side are several ostriches being chased by a lion. In front of you are four large gazelles that won’t get out

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Republicanism Shown To Be Genetic In Origin

The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a chosen lifestyle. Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities.

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Funny Error in Time News Story

A bit of a slip up in a Times Magazine article on Bush & Cheney skipping the Republican National Convention: President Bush, Vice President Cheney and prominent governors decided on Sunday to skip the Republican National Convention, and the party

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100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

These are jokes, and not intended to be taken seriously. Please view the site disclaimer. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a credit card name.

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Even More One-Liners

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

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More Funny One-Liners

More funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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Funny One-liners

Funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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My Past Falwell Greatest Hits

Jokes about Falwell from the past that people are suddenly linking to now that he’s died. No guarantees on the quality of the jokes… The Theological Significance of Tinky Winky 6 Reasons Tinky Winky Can’t Be Gay The Top 13

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Ways To Tell A Man His Fly Is Unzipped

You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

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Say what now?

Alternate meanings for common words. Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize \bur’-gler-ize\:

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Queer Quotes

Why can’t they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, “Who’d you call a faggot?” — Jon Stewart

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Etiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding

1. On the day of a gay wedding, it’s bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym. 2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something

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The Notorious Al-Gebra Movement

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

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Elementary, Dear Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.

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Valentines Day Quotes

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. — Dorothy Parker

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My Favorite Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The

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Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey’s Book

From “The Late Show With David Letterman,” Top Ten Lists: 10. “The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself” 9. “How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years” 8. “From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I’d Like to Oil Up” 7.

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How To Identify Where A Driver Is From

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY 4. One

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Deja… What?

Author: Stacy Mineart A funny list of definitions written several years ago by my sister. Ok, so the following are other, less common forms of deja vu: Deja boo: The feeling that I’ve been frightened like this before Deja coup:

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10 Dating Tips By Way of Hollywood

author unknown 1. People Who Hate Each Other on Sight Usually End Up Falling in Love ("The Way We Were," "Titanic," most Astaire/Rogers movies). Actually, people who hate each other when they first meet usually work very hard to avoid

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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Author Unknown ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross

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A joke from our friend Veronica

A man walked into the women’s department of Macy’s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.” What type of bra?” asked the clerk. Type?” inquires the

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