Blog Archives

25 ways to know you’re grown up

1. Your house plants are alive & you can’t smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 06:00 AM is when

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Guaranteed Not To Tax Your Mind

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’

Posted in Funny Lists, One-Liners Tagged with: , ,

Merry Christmas 2008!

I’ll be taking a few days off from hanging out on the internet in order to spend time with family and friends. Here are several Christmas hits from years past for your holiday enjoyment: The Three Kings Of Cologne —

Posted in Journal Tagged with: , ,

A Message To The Spoiled Under-30 Crowd

Note: This is from one of those fun email forwards… When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five

Posted in Funny Videos, You Know You're A... Tagged with: ,

Message of Welcome to the UU Church

As we welcome our new members and visitors, it is only fair to let them know what we Unitarian Universalists are like and what we expect. We are friendly. If you are not friendly, out you go! We are genuine

Posted in Funny Lists Tagged with: , ,

How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It Takes 300: 12 to sit on the board which appoints the nominating and personnel committee. 5 to sit on the the nominating and personnel committee which appoints the House committee. 8 to sit on the house committee which appoints

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You may be a Unitarian Universalist if:

You think socks are too formal for a Summer service. You know at least 5 ways to say “Happy holidays!” Your idea of a guy’s night out is going to a N.O.W. rally. Unleavened bread is part of your Easter

Posted in Funny Lists, Religion, You Know You're A... Tagged with: , , ,

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

These are jokes, and not intended to be taken seriously. Please view the site disclaimer. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a credit card name.

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Even More One-Liners

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

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Funny One-liners

Funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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Rejected Openings for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

From theonering.net One morning, when Harry Potter woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single wizard in possession of a good fortune, must be

Posted in Books, Funny Lists Tagged with: , , , ,

Recent Fortune Cookies

From lunch today at Changs: Your skills will accomplish what the force of many cannot. Damn. I better get some skills quick. Seriously, though, this is one of the better fortunes I’ve ever received. Be neater if it were true.

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Ways To Tell A Man His Fly Is Unzipped

You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

Posted in Funny Lists Tagged with: , ,

Say what now?

Alternate meanings for common words. Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize \bur’-gler-ize\:

Posted in Funny Lists, Lexicons Tagged with: , , , , ,

Valentines Day Quotes

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. — Dorothy Parker

Posted in Favorite Quotes, Funny Lists, One-Liners Tagged with: , , , , , , ,

Today’s Fortune Cookie

“Everything will now come your way.” Um, at first I thought “Great!” because I’m waiting for the new laptop. (Is that like “Waiting for Godot“?) But then I started to worry – what if I need a helmet?

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Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey’s Book

From “The Late Show With David Letterman,” Top Ten Lists: 10. “The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself” 9. “How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years” 8. “From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I’d Like to Oil Up” 7.

Posted in Funny Lists, Gay Jokes, GLBT Issues, Jokes, Politics Tagged with: , , , , ,

How To Identify Where A Driver Is From

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY 4. One

Posted in Funny Lists, Indiana, Indianapolis Tagged with: , ,

Deja… What?

Author: Stacy Mineart A funny list of definitions written several years ago by my sister. Ok, so the following are other, less common forms of deja vu: Deja boo: The feeling that I’ve been frightened like this before Deja coup:

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10 Dating Tips By Way of Hollywood

author unknown 1. People Who Hate Each Other on Sight Usually End Up Falling in Love ("The Way We Were," "Titanic," most Astaire/Rogers movies). Actually, people who hate each other when they first meet usually work very hard to avoid

Posted in Funny Lists, Movie Lists Tagged with: , , , ,

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Author Unknown ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross

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Drag Queen Names

Joe of Joe.My.God called for submissions of his reader’s favorite drag queen names… and the answers are truly hysterical. Ophelia Pain Hannah Kronistik Summer Clearance Carlotta Tendant Rita Book Bridget of Madison County Anna Nutherthing Iona Trailer Julie Meewunday Hilda

Posted in GLBT Issues Tagged with: ,

You Know You’re From Indiana When…

This page gets name-checked in a YouTube video critique of the list, from nthecgirl88. You’ve never met any celebrities. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. "Vacation" means driving through

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You Know You Were A Little Girl Of The 70’s If:

This is the most accurate of these lists I have ever seen! I’ve checked off all the ones that are mine. You wore that rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest and

Posted in Anecdotes, You Know You're A... Tagged with: , , ,

List of Signature Phrases

Wikipedia has a great list of signature phrases — the unique lines associated with real or fictional characters, and they cover a lot of territory. Read it over; it will bring back some memories. # “Aciao good night!” (Aciao bonsoir!)

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