“Marriage, for instance, isn’t just about the relationship of two people. Other people have to recognize the couple as a couple. What it means to be married is that other people treat you like you’re married,” Professor Chwe says, noting that two people who never see each other may still be regarded by others as married. (Conversely, two people who consider themselves a couple may be denied recognition by others.)
The need for common knowledge means a wedding is more than the exchange of vows by two individuals. “When you go to a wedding, it’s not just about you seeing the two people getting married. It’s also very important that you know that other people know,” Professor Chwe says. That’s why the vows themselves matter less than the ceremony.
“You might have a New Age reading or you can have a very traditional Catholic wedding. But having everyone being together in a wedding is extremely important, regardless of what is said,” Professor Chwe notes. “You’d never have a wedding by just sending a fax to everybody.”
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal began when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God’s “only son” last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.
Sources close to Mary claim that she “had loved God for a long time,” that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was “thrilled to have had His child.” In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that “No sexual relationship existed,” and that “the facts of this story will come out in time, verily.”
Independent counsel Beelzebub immediately filed a brief with the Angelic Justice Department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to His illegitimate child through three foreign operatives know only as the “Wise Men.” Beelzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair.
Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the charges that Beelzebub was originally appointed to investigate: That God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal. In recent months, Beelzebub’s investigation has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God’s political opponents in the last election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah was to divert attention away from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in Promised County to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo for political contributions.
If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow to God’s career, much of which has been spent crusading for stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a “tough-on-crime” plan consisting of a series of 10 “Commandments,” which has been introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses. Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the “Name in Vain” Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction on free speech.
