25 ways to know you’re grown up

1. Your house plants are alive & you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7 . Your friends marry & divorce instead of hook up & break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds’ leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit”.
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again”.
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you.

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One comment on “25 ways to know you’re grown up
  1. Cordelia says:

    Personally, reading and remembering some of the youthful alternatives made me glad I am a grown-up ! Thank goodness, sleeping on the couch is still possible and the lure of the Weather Channel eludes me.

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