You Know You’re Not in College Anymore When…

You’re waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.

Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.

College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up.

Your parents charge rent.

The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.

It’s ‘getting late’ when it’s 9:30 p.m.

Three words: Student Loan Payments.

You make thousands of dollars a year – and still can’t afford that dream Porsche.

You start eyeing the Light Beer Section appreciatively.

Pickup football games mean that at least one person will be in the hospital by game’s
end.

Discussing with your friends:
THEN: GPA’s, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey;
NOW: mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.

Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’.

Dinner and a movie – The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

Pregnancy now brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.

Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks.

The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.

The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.

You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.

Random hook-ups are no longer socially acceptable.

You wear more ties in a week than you even owned while taking in college.

You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.

You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends.’

METABOLISM SLOWDOWN

Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

When drinking, you say at least once per night, ‘I just can’t put it down the same as I used to.’

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

You’re actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that’s not full of ’21-year-old kids.’

Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

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