These are jokes, and not intended to be taken seriously. Please view the site disclaimer.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are. However it doesn’t work if your boss copies you already.)
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That’s a good point, Sparky." "No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom."
"Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
Insist that your e-mail address be "firstname.lastname@example.org"
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc… in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none… Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you’ve got to be faster than that."
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Name all your pens and insist that meetings can’t begin until they’re all present.
Come to work in your pajamas.
Compose all your e-mail in the form of a Haiku.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver. Include a piece of your children’s artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don’t have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.
Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald’s Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing," and leave.
Organize a carpool. Then go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn’t turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".
Send out flyers to your entire department/division announcing a required staff development program. When everyone arrives, show them slides from your vacation.
Tell everyone that you are quitting. At your going away party, announce that you were just joking. Make sure to take their presents.
Send out a notice saying that you have a brain tumor. After everyone in your office sends flowers and presents, send out another note telling everyone that it was not a brain tumor but just a bad headache.
When answering your phone, talk in a fake British accent.
Take a picture of your boss and have it framed. Display it in a prominent location on your desk.
Whenever a fellow staff member sneezes, quickly yell "SHUT UP!" If they sneeze a second time, follow up with "I SAID SHUT UP!". A third time, leave the room crying while saying "NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!".
In the summertime, get an inflatable swimming pool. Blow it up and fill it with water. Place it in the center of your office. During lunch time, put on your bathing suit and lounge in the pool. Anytime someone walks by, yell "HEY NO RUNNING AROUND THE POOL!"
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Reply to everything someone says with "that’s what YOU think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE..
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
While sitting in your cube, yodel.
Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.