Computer One-Liners

Author Unknown

Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore?

(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend it didn’t happen?

Any given program will expand to fit available memory plus 1K

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill something

Calm down — it’s only ones and zeroes

Computers are like the Old Testament God — lots of rules and no mercy

Computers eat time — We only THINK they run on electricity

Et verbum custodiat tibi vobiscum sicut erat in Principio! (May your data be restored to its original pristine condition)

Give generously – Help support the victims of computer error

Hardware: the part of the computer that can be kicked. If you can only curse at it, it’s software.

Has any of this time-saving technology ever let you go home one minute early?

Hit any key. With what?

Implementation is the fruitless struggle by the talented and underpaid to fulfill promises made by the rich and ignorant.

I’ve got a life but it won’t run on my operating system.

I keep hitting the escape key but I’m still here.

If cars had followed the same developmental path as computers, a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles per gallon and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Insert disk 5 of 4 to continue

Press any key. NO! NO! Not that one!

System Implementation. 94% sweat, 6% fear

Tech Support is just a busy signal away

The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose from.

There are now five canonical forms of the lie: commission, omission, statistics, graphs, and the Internet

THIS WILL END YOUR WINDOWS SESSION – I live for those six words

To continue, strike keyboard with forehead

Unlike the 50 million copies we’ve already sold you, this version actually works!

When all else failed, let a = 7. If that doesn’t work, read the manual.

Where’s the CNTRL-ALT-MAKE SENSE button?

You are in a twisty little passage of standards, all conflicting

You know better then to trust a strange computer.

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