Job Position Ad for SoulWaste

Author Unknown

Join the dynamic team here at SoulWaste. We want people who believe in the hi-tech religion and who are willing to work 60 hour weeks under florescent lights in grey buildings with windows that don’t open. After all, the earth will stop rotating on its axis if our product doesn’t get out the door before the competition.

You must be a mindless zealot who’s idea of a good time is playing MacIntosh computer games on nights and weekends and who’s conversations with other people sound like a Wang commercial. You must believe in the Yuppie vision of the world as shown in Wang, H-P, and AT&T commercials where people are shown thinking about their job while swimming or walking their dog and where everybody is inadequate if they haven’t purchased the latest wiz-bang box or felt anxious guilt if their office system isn’t networked to everything more hi-tech than a Smith-Corona typewriter.

Yes, we don’t just want your hours at SoulWaste — we want your soul!!

Qualifications:

1. Must be willing to sacrifice any semblance of real life for carrots held at the end of sticks i.e. BIG BUCKS.

2. Must have huge repertoire of computer buzzwords in vocabulary.

3. Must feel the same degree of mania as company management when products are late getting out the door.

4. Must have no social life — ’cause we’re gonna fatigue you so much you ain’t gonna have one anyway.

5. Oh, yeah, must know the C programming language.

Direct inquiries to this dynamic and growing conspiracy, I mean, er, company to:
Simon LeGree
SoulWaste Corporation
Telephone: 1-800-FAUSTUS

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