Top 10 Things To Say About A Holiday Gift You Don’t Like

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10. Hey! There’s a gift.

9. Well, well, well…

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes, that would’ve fit.

7. Perfect for wearing in the basement.

6. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!

5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

2. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. I really don’t deserve this.

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