You Know You’re a Queen if:

Author Unknown

  1. If you regularly use the phrase "window treatment," then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  2. If your kitchen drawer contains a shrimp deveiner, a mushroom brush, or a lemon reamer, (oh that word!) then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  3. If you know what a sconce is, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  4. If you have a pet named "Liza," "Gypsy," or "Talullah," then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  5. If you know how to spell Barbra’s first name, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  6. If you’ve never felt the need to use Barbra’s last name, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  7. If you know whether Rogers or Hammerstein wrote the music, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  8. If you’ve ever canceled a date because it conflicted with the Tony or Academy Awards, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  9. If you know the difference between "seafoam" and "celadon," then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  10. If you’ve ever been to a professional football game, spent the whole time watching the cheerleaders, and critiqued their performance, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  11. If your Christmas stocking as a child contained bronzer or a moisturizer, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  12. If your mother calls you for decorating tips, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  13. If the names Jeff Stryker, Ryan Idol or Casey Donovan mean anything to you at all, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  14. If you know exactly where you were the night that Judy, Ethel or Lucy died, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  15. If Special K means something to you besides breakfast, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  16. If you talk in italics, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  17. If you’ve ever needed a massage because you’d overworked your eyebrows, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  18. If you know a guy who swears that his brother-in-law was the admitting doctor in the emergency room when Richard Gere came in with a gerbil up his butt, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  19. If someone says "How ’bout them Bulls?" and what you think of are petite picadors in tight pants, then, Miss Thing you’re a Queen.
  20. If you require two syllables to say "please," then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  21. If at eighth grade dances you were the only boy who could stay on the beat, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  22. If you still can’t get over the fact that Sunday in the Park with George lost out to La Cage Aux Folles in nearly every category in the 1984 Tony’s,
    then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  23. If you know what Lyle Waggoner, Sam J. Jones, Christopher Atkins, Fabian, and Tommy Chong have in common, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  24. If you display in any public forum a reproduction of Michaelangelo’s David, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  25. If you’ve ever trimmed your pubic hair to make "it" look bigger, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  26. If by the time the bus has arrived at your stop, you’ve given every other passenger a "fashion score," then, Miss Thing you’re a Queen.
  27. If you’d sooner skip a day at the gym than show up in a workout ensemble that just didn’t match, then, honey, you ARE a Queen.
  28. If you’re the only male sibling in a family of ten and grandmother left you the Limoges, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  29. If you can think of more than five uses for a doily, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  30. If you know who Dorothy Gale is, then, honey, you might be gay.
  31. If you’ve ever bought a pair of jeans because they gave you a nice "basket," then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  32. If you’ve ever turned when someone yelled "Hey, Mary!", then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  33. If you’ve sworn never ever again to get drunk and do your Bette Davis impersonation, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  34. If you used adverbs before the age of two, then, Miss Thing you’re a Queen.
  35. If the idea of a car-parts store with the name "Ellis the Rim Man" makes you giggle, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  36. If you’ve ever coiffed so aggressively that you drew blood, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  37. If you’ve ever sent anything in black latex as a gift, then, Miss Thing,
    you’re a Queen.
  38. If you’ve ever asked for a sweat towel at the gym, but accidentally said "cum rag" instead, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  39. If your home decor encompasses more than one kind of Chippendale, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  40. If your dog is smaller than a bread box, then, Miss Thing you’re a sick Queen.
  41. If to you the antonym for "no" is "fabulous," then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  42. If you’ve ever entered a house and audibly admired the wainscoting, then, Miss Thing, you’re a Queen.
  43. Have you ever said, "Whatever", but only used your hands to form a "w" to say it? I added this one!! hehe

YES ANSWERS:

Over 40 – Queen of the Ball (and you live in NYC!)
Over 35 – Gayer than Quentin Crisp
Over 30 – Sassier than Rip Taylor
Over 25 – Nathan Lane!
Under 24 – Honey, you’re not hanging out with the right people!

Posted in Funny Lists, Gay Jokes, You Know You're A... Tagged with: , ,

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