The Gay Agenda

I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. It follows below:

6:00 am Gym
8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
9:00 am Hair appointment
10:00 am Shopping
12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM
1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,
2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,
5) Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,
6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and
7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest
4:00 PM Cocktails
6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)
8:00 PM Theater
11:00 PM Bed (du jour)"

Posted in Gay Jokes Tagged with: ,
21 comments on “The Gay Agenda
  1. Offended Reader says:

    This was a highly offensive comment, or should a say string of comments putting down the gay community. Forget any other visits from a respectable gay community member/supporter!

  2. Um – you do see that it’s filed under “gay jokes” right? It’s supposed to be funny, because it’s so absurd, and you know, I’m gay. Gosh, people don’t read things very closely, do they?

  3. Alexis says:

    Sheesh, take a pill, this is SUPPOSED to be FUNNY. I am gay and intelligent so I GOT the joke.
    Ditto that, Steph

  4. Dakota says:

    i am gay also. i got the joke, but still i am highly offended by a few of the lines.

  5. What lines specifically bother you? I’m having trouble seeing what the problem is. Sure it plays into stereotypes by that’s the point of it; it’s over the top on purpose, mocking what the right-wing thinks.

  6. Alex Macomber says:

    Personally, I wasn’t offended at all. I thought it was pretty funny, and I don’t understand why everything is offensive to somebody. If anything, this ought to be offensive to the types of people who actually think the homosexual agenda would look anything like that. Wanna know why? Because it makes those types of people look like idiots. And yes, I am a fag, although that doesn’t influence my opinion on the public’s interpretation of “political correctness”.
    Sorry, didn’t mean to turn this into a political rant. Loved the joke. Woot.

  7. Loren says:

    This CRACKED ME UP!! I hate this whole thing about the ‘gay agenda.’ Our GAY AGENDA is just to live life and enjoy with who we love – gay, straight, black, white, short, tall… Do you ever wonder why our bodies don’t go with us when we die? Because it doesn’t matter. :)
    Peace Out,
    ~Loren

  8. michaelp says:

    wow, I’m gay and i love this it makes me see everything wrong in what people see as the gay agenda pfft what gay agenda all i want is to live with and marry the love of my life. I love him with all of my heart and thats all that should matter. righ?

  9. Prakash says:

    Totally not offensive… I love it, I almost want to print it up, and put check mark spaces beside it….

  10. Eddie says:

    As a gay guy, I’m just glad that we have the collective ability to take over the planet, and the interwebby, between 2 pm and 2:30 pm. It takes me longer than that to get ready to go to the friggin grocery store.

  11. Bjöggi says:

    How can this be offensive?
    I’m gay and this just sounds like an ordinary day to me…
    GOSH! IT’S ACTUALLY 2:41pm! I’m late!!
    Hope I can still make it for coctails after taking over the world!

  12. mercedes says:

    lmao! this totally made my day ! loved it.

  13. Jake says:

    Haha, this reminds me of the “gay agenda” joke:
    6:00 am Gym
    8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
    9:00 am Hair appointment
    10:00 am Shopping
    12:00 PM Brunch
    2:00 PM
    1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,
    2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
    3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
    4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,
    5) Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,
    6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and
    7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.
    2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest
    4:00 PM Cocktails
    6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)
    8:00 PM Theater
    11:00 PM Bed (du jour)”

  14. Jim says:

    Then here’s what you need to do . . . run down to the bank and withdraw one dollar and fifty cents. Then, get on your bike and ride over to K-Mart. Go to Aisle 7B, left hand side, bottom row . . .and buy a friggin’ sense of humor!

  15. Erik Pan says:

    Why is everyone getting in such a beef about this? It’s funny! I’ve had my share of homophobia in the past and this *ain’t* it. If you can’t laugh at yourself then what’s the point? :D This more makes fun of what homophobes think that it does make fun of gays anyway.

  16. Terry@El Paso Texas says:

    I just wanna know who the “Head Homosexual” might be. I’m certain I’ve had, errrr….. pardon me, met him somewhere.

  17. sethjuian says:

    okay this is messed up the agenda is suppose to be top secret!!!!

  18. Cy says:

    This is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. My boyfriend and I both got a kick out of it, especially the “11:00 PM Bed (du jour)” ending. It fits right in with what he often says, “if you’re not in bed by midnight, you might as well go home.”

  19. JIM says:

    Try moving to the UK we have a more tolerant society Gay rights and Diversity enshrined in law and in the workplace Civil Partnerships and a decent Health care System. For a first world country like the US this rubbish should have been dealt with ages ago.

  20. remny says:

    Barney Frank said the Gay Agenda is –
    Not be subjected to the possibility of physical danger by attacks from bigots and homophobes.
    To be able to work anywhere we please.
    To marry who we want.
    To fight for our country.
    He then said -“Two down, two to go.”

  21. Connor says:

    I honestly love this. It’s hilarious! I’m gay and this cracked me up! And I believe the Head Gay is a certain singer/songwriter… I hope he doesn’t have me killed for revealing his identity…

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