What Your Car Says About You

Acura Integra — I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend — I’m too bland for German cars

Acura NSX — I am impotent

Audi 90 — I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue — I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado — I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville — I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro — I enjoy beating up people

Chevrolet Chevette — I like seeing people’s reactions when I tell them I have a ‘Vette

Chevrolet Corvette — I’m in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino — I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba — I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z — I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Dodge Dart — I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona — I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ford Fairmont — (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang — I slow down to 85 in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria — I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them

Geo Storm — I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker — I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol — I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Honda Civic — I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord — I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45 — I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse — I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6 — I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia — I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lincoln Town Car — I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis — (See above)

Mercedes 500SL — I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph

Mercedes 560SEL — I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole

Mazda Miata — I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler

MGB — I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante — I don’t know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX — I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass — I just stole this car and I’m going to make a fortune off the parts

Peugeot 505 Diesel — I am on the EPA’s Ten Most Wanted List

Plymouth Neon — I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM — I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 944 — I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow — I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal

Saturn SC2 — (See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy — I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu

Toyota Camry — I am still in the closet

Volkswagon Beetle — I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagon Cabriolet — I am out of the closet

Volkswagon Microbus — I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon — I am frightened of my wife

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