Parent’s Dictionary

Amnesia:
condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Dumbwaiter:
one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning:
the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback:
the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name:
what you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents:
the people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay:
what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable:
a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent:
how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Ow:
the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Prenatal:
when your life was still somewhat your own.

Puddle:
a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off:
a child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize:
what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Top Bunk:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning:
when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal:
able to whine in words.

Whodunit:
none of the kids that live in your house.

Posted in Funny Lists, Lexicons Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,

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