Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help.

Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Evening massage – 6 p.m.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! An awful voice is sounding"

Irving Beltson and Jessie were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on ‘It’s a Terrible Experience.’

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness:
Dr. Hargreaves is better.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Stewardship Offertory: ‘Jesus Paid It All’

The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

The associate minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge – Now Up Yours."

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving m ilk will please come early.

Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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