12 Tips for Managers and Bosses
- Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 pm and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
- If it’s really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
- Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
- If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.
- If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic. ( Or psycho in some of our cases…)
- Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
- If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
- If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
- If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
- Never introduce me to the people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
- Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the new Navigator (Substitute vehicle here.. ).
- Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.