Bad Halloween Jokes

Author Unknown

Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle!

Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body

Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetit !

Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers

Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
A. Benjamin Frankenstein

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice Scream

Q. What’s a monster’s favorite play?
A. Romeo and Ghouliet

Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A. Bamboo

Q. What’s a haunted chicken?
A. A poultry-geist

Q. How can you tell when you’re in bed with Count Dracula?
A. He has a big D on his pajamas

Q. What’s pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?
A. Grandma monster

Q. Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
A. Because he was in need of a light snack

Q. Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
A. Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos

Q. Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin

Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They’re good at keeping things under wraps

Q. What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
A. Ghost-Toasties

Q. What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A. A wash and wear wolf

Q. What’s the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
A. They boo-kle their seatbelts

Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A. Count Duckula

Q. What do you call a person who puts poison in a person’s corn
flakes?
A. A cereal killer

Q. Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
A. Because if they were small and round and smooth they’d be M&M’s

Q. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.

Q. What do witches use on their hair?
A. Scare spray

Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.

Q: What do the birds sing on Halloween?
A: Twick or Tweet

Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
A: Tombstones

Q: Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
A: It’s good for the bones

Q: What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
A: White Pillowcases

Q: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
A: Squash

Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away

Q: What was the witches favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling

Q: Why did the mummy call the doctor?
A: Because he was coffin

Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay

Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank

Q: What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?
A: Frankenfurters with Ketchup

Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the dead sea

Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula’s terror-tory

Q: Where does dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie

Q: What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A: A blood vessel

Q: What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o- lantern by it’s circumference?
A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have the guts.

Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A: A BOO-logna sandwich.

Q: How does the silly witch know what time it is?
A: She looks at her witch-watch.

Q: What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t spook until your spooken to.

Q: What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
A: An amoeboo!

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.

Q: Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

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Posted in Funny Lists, Holidays, Jokes, One-Liners

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