Question: Just not that into you…

Anon Question: Have you ever been dating someone who is obviously more into you than you are them? How did you handle it?

That that scenario has really never come up for me. I have to be really into someone to start dating them, actually. If I wasn’t very into someone, I turned them down. I wouldn’t want to waste their time if it wasn’t going to go somewhere. And I’ve always been more about the relationship than the sex, so “going somewhere” has always been a part of any romantic equation for me.

But the “they like me more” situation is really rare for me. The vast majority of the time, I was way more into them than they were into me. I’ve usually been the crushing, not the crushee.

Question from WilJ: Have you and Steph ever considered having a child?

We’ve talked about it a lot, because this is one of those big relationship questions that you have to talk about. We’ve arrived at the conclusion of “probably never.” Stephanie has never been particularly interested in having kids. I have very mixed feelings about it. When I was young, I thought I would for sure. But as I’ve gotten older, my feelings have changed a lot. For one thing, I’ve seen some close friends become parents, and it’s been particularly hard on them. In some cases they’ve given up some significant dreams to be a parent, and that’s tough to watch. And in some cases, raising the kids has been a significant struggle. That’s also hard to see. On the other hand… there is something very life-affirming about kids. I’ve had two grandparents die in the last year, and I’ve had some existential crises about that – what am I doing, where am I going, and will I have made a difference when I die? Worrying about that eats at you. But in the past year I’ve also met my two youngest nieces and my new nephew, and watching them laugh and play and learn reminds me that as things fall away in sorrow, there are new joys that spring up to take their place. Do I want to contribute to that? I’m not sure. I do however, want to encourage my siblings to have more kids. As many as possible. Because that’s the awesome thing about nieces and nephews — they are there to reaffirm your joie de vivre, but you can hand them back when they poop their pants.

Ask me a question yourself. You can even do it anonymously on Formspring if you want. Or in the comments here. Be nice. Be rude. Be intrusive. Ask personal questions. I don’t really care. If you don’t ask, I’ll just answer more random questions from the internet, except that I’ll pretend you asked them.

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3 comments on “Question: Just not that into you…
  1. Chi says:

    What’s one of your sexual fantasies?

  2. Steph says:

    You just said the magic words that could unlock the location of my secret blog. The price of admission: 1,000 word sexual fantasy of yours to post there.

  3. Chi says:

    You’re on. 😉

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