Blog Archives

You Know You Work for An American Corporation When…

You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.

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New Job Interview Techniques

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

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Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector

Those of us used to writing technical and business reports know how difficult it can be to use just the right phrase to convey the true depth of your topic. Now, professionals and students alike can seem like etymological geniuses, thanks to the "Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector" created by Phillip Broughton, a U.S. Public Health Service official.

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New Medical Leave and Related Company Policies

The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks.

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New List of Appropriate Language For Work

It has been brought to the Management’s attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.

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Major U.S. Research University Discovers New Element

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.

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What Your Resume Really Means

I’m Extremely Adept At All Manner Of Office Organization: I can make my own coffee.

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New Office Lingo

Author Unknown Adminisphere: Middle Management: the rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. Assmosis: The process by

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How To Write A Recommendation Letter That You Don’t Really Mean

Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters.

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The Laws of Work

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would Wonder Woman handle this?"

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Company Christmas Party Memo

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

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11 Reasons Why Prison Is Better Than Work

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ X 10′ cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6′ X 8′ cubicle.

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Top Ten Signs You Have Joined A Cheap HMO

Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

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Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

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Job Advertisment Glossary

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

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Customer "Support" At A Phone Company

I work in Boston, Massachusetts. A co-worker just told me this true story that happened to him this morning. He had a dispute about a phone-card bill for long distance service from his long-distance carrier, which we shall refer to by the three-letter acronym TLA to protect the guilty.

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Travel Agent Stories

The following are actual stories told by travel agents… A woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure

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The Bricklayer’s Accident Report

This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick is this Bricklayer’s report:

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Quotes Taken from Performance Evaluations

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that

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Actual Job Interview Excerpts

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The low lights: Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn’t get the job, it would prove that the

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My Manager Really Said This

A magazine recently ran a Dilbert quotes contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions

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The Ultimate Email Urban Legend

Author Unknown A young man was diagnosed with a life-threatening bout of food poisoning after eating part of a cooked rat that had fallen into his eight-piece chicken dinner that he had purchased from Kentucky Fried Chicken. After his recovery,

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The Office Personality Test

Every office has an Office Spaz, an Office Psycho, an Office Lump, and an Office Martyr. Which one are you?

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Getting Into Heaven

Three nurses died and went to Heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.

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Job Position Ad for SoulWaste

Join the dynamic team here at SoulWaste. We want people who believe in the hi-tech religion and who are willing to work 60 hour weeks under florescent lights in grey buildings with windows that don’t open.

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