True Stories

Delicious Nut Sale – Update

Several years ago, I posted a memo that went around at work — It was a fund-raising notice from Spay-Neuter Services of Indiana announcing their “Delicious Annual Nut Sale” to raise money for their programs. Funny, right? Yesterday, one of the folks from the organization found the post on my blog and wrote me to

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The Laws of Physics Don’t Apply to Me

College Application essay by Hugh Gallagher, author of Teeth: 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU

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Darwin Awards 2001

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

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Darwin Awards 2000

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

Read on »

The Raft

And you thought this only happened in the movies. Jerry swears this story about a rubber boat really happened to him…

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A Heartwarming Story

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

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Customer "Support" At A Phone Company

I work in Boston, Massachusetts. A co-worker just told me this true story that happened to him this morning. He had a dispute about a phone-card bill for long distance service from his long-distance carrier, which we shall refer to by the three-letter acronym TLA to protect the guilty.

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Accidental Accident Reports

The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. Such instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that incompetency can be highly entertaining.

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The Landing

This is in fact a true letter written by an 8-year-old onboard a Quantus flight. She handed it to a flight attendant to give to the captain.

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College Chemistry Humor

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

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Student Bloopers, Part 7 – Science Facts & Legends

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.’

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Student Bloopers Part 2 – World History

Author: Richard Lederer, St. Paul’s School One of thefringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through

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Student Bloopers, Part 1 – European History

Those who forget history–and the English language–may be condemned to mangle both. Historian Anders Henriksson, a five- year veteran of the university classroom, has faithfully recorded his freshman students’ more striking insights into European history. Possibly as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has assembled these fractured fragments into a chronological narrative from the Middle Ages to the present.

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The Psychic Dog

Author Unknown It’s common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be

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A Little Extra Effort

In Melbourne, Fl. one of the radio stations paid money ($100-$500) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This one netted the winner: I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning

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The Wisdom Of Supermodels

Note: Most of these quotes have been debunked on Snopes.com as untrue. ON COURAGE: "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, ‘Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.’" -Cindy Crawford ON POVERTY: "Everyone should have enough money to

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Travel Agent Stories

The following are actual stories told by travel agents… A woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that’s the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.

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Video Trouble

Phone call actually received by someone I know, from next-door neighbor: "Our cable TV is having interference right now, is yours?" "Not as far as I know… what channel are you watching?" "We’re not watching a channel. We’re playing a tape." During the Gulf war, here in Israel, there was a family watching the Cosby

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Quotes Taken from Performance Evaluations

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." "I would not allow this employee to breed." "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

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Actual Job Interview Excerpts

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The low lights: Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn’t get the job, it would prove that the company’s management was incompetent. Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

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Carjacking Foiled – A True Story…

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon return, found four males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her lungs that she knew how to use the gun and she would if required: so get out of the car, NOW!

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Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. At the evening service tonight, the

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So You Think You’re Having A Bad Day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

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What To Do If An Anaconda Attacks You

Excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle. It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.

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At the Airline Ticket Counter

During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.

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Actual Newpaper Ads

These ads supposedly appeared in real papers. "Bite the wax tadpole." – Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." – ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese "It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant." – Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad "Retraction:

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Quayle Quotes

Recently, Dan Quayle announced his intentions to run for President of the U.S. in 2000. Since many younger voters may not have been watching the news when these were said the first time, we provide you with this list of famous Quayle quotes.

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Darwin Awards 1999

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

Read on »

Darwin Awards 1998

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

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Darwin Awards 1997

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

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Darwin Awards 1996

The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed.

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