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Guaranteed Not To Tax Your Mind

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’

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Even More One-Liners

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

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More Funny One-Liners

More funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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Funny One-liners

Funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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Valentines Day Quotes

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. — Dorothy Parker

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Time-Honored Truths and Universal Laws

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

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Points to Ponder… Why Ask Why?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

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Cynics Guide to Life

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

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Bad Halloween Jokes

Author Unknown Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry? A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle! Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? A. No body Q. What do skeletons say before they begin

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Computer One-Liners

Author Unknown Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore? (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend it didn’t happen? Any given program will expand to fit available memory plus 1K Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill something Calm down —

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The Laws of Work

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would Wonder Woman handle this?"

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Computer One-Liners

Author Unknown Home is where you hang your @ The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. Great

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One-Liners From Your Favorite Comics

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?’ she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now

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Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Man

How sweet, you brought incense.

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Computer Geek T-Shirts

Author Unknown Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 2 + 2 = 5 for extrememly large values of 2. Computers are not intelligent.

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Thoughts From The Workplace…

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

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Funny Shakespeare

Hamlet is a course and barbarous play. One might think thework is a product of a drunken savage’s imagination. – Voltaire Are the commentators on Hamlet really mad or are they just pretending to be mad? Birnam Wood Reunion Staff

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SciFi / Fantasy / SCA / D&D Jokes

Berserkers do it without thinking

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Little Known “Facts”

Many of these “facts” have been debunked at one time or another on snopes.com. So take them with a grain of salt.

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One-Liners About Cats

A home without a cat–and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat–may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? — Mark Twain

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One-Liners About Books

They got the library at Alexandria — they’re not getting mine.

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The Wedding

It’s not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She’s not marrying the best man.

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Ode To The Malty Brew

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. –Dave Barry Not all chemicals

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