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Guaranteed Not To Tax Your Mind

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’

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Even More One-Liners

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

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More Funny One-Liners

More funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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Funny One-liners

Funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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Valentines Day Quotes

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. — Dorothy Parker

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Time-Honored Truths and Universal Laws

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

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Points to Ponder… Why Ask Why?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

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Cynics Guide to Life

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

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Bad Halloween Jokes

Author Unknown Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry? A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle! Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? A. No body Q. What do skeletons say before they begin

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Computer One-Liners

Author Unknown Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore? (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend it didn’t happen? Any given program will expand to fit available memory plus 1K Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (K)ill something Calm down —

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