Blog Archives

How Santa Knows IF you’ve Been Good

(Supposedly written for and sung at a U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel, Christmas party during the Carter Administration.) –Eugene Volokh, UCLA Law

Posted in Holidays, Poems Tagged with: , , , ,

A Christmas Tradition is Born

Author Unknown One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip … but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as

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ACLU Announces Lawsuit against Santa Claus

by David Bibb CHICAGO – The American CivilLiberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been

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Christmas Fruitcake Recipe

Author Unknown You’ll need the following: 1 C water 1 C sugar 4 large eggs 2 C dried fruit 1 tsp. baking soda 1 tsp. salt 1 C brown sugar lemon juice nuts 1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

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Dingell’s HOLIDAY Jingle for O’Reilly and House GOP

Congressman John D. Dingell (MI-15) recited the following poem on the floor of the US House of Representatives concerning House Resolution 579.

Posted in Current Events, Holidays, Jokes, Media, Politics Tagged with: , , , , , ,

Ten Reasons Why Halloween is Better than Sex

If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.

Posted in Funny Lists, Holidays Tagged with: , , ,

A Halloween Story

A Halloween Story Author Unknown A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a…….           BUMP…           BUMP…           BUMP… behind him.    

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Bad Halloween Jokes

Author Unknown Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry? A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle! Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? A. No body Q. What do skeletons say before they begin

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What Is An Irishman?

Loves religion for its own sake, but also because it makes it so inconvenient for his neighbors.

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Three Irish Brothers

The bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.

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Golfing in Ireland

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golfball lying right beside him.

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Christmas Sampler

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.

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How Santa Wishes He Could Answer Letters

How ’bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

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Dear Santa from Billy Gates

How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business.

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English Xmas Kitties

Stacy Mineart Today was yet another day in that inevitable annual melee we call christmas preparation. The rarity of Sunday opening hours in England necesitates that on such occasions every able-bodied individual must pile onto the high street to take

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‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: Internet Version

Author Unknown ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and throughout the net, not a modem was chirping; (It wasn’t mail-hour yet). The peripherals down and backed up with care, In hopes that St. Echo soon would be there. The grad students

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Microsoft Acquires Christmas

MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via sattelite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.

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The Net Before Christmas

by Jim Trudeau & Jay Trudeau (1991) ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nets Not a mousie was stirring, not even the pets. The floppies were stacked by the modem with care In hopes that St. Nicholas

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Things Not to Say When Hanging the Lights

Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? One Psychiatrist claims the other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. He is rarely wrong on these things. We rush to print with an emergency prompt list of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.

Posted in Funny Lists, Holidays Tagged with: , , , , , ,

Company Christmas Party Memo

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

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Signs You Won’t Be Receiving a Christmas Bonus This Year

Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw

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‘Twas The Night Before Techmas

‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.

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Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty at Christmas But Aren’t

I think your balls are hanging too low.

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Fun Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

Posted in Fun Stuff To Do, Holidays Tagged with: , , , ,

Signs You Bought a Bad Christmas Tree

Keeps heckling your lame top ten list

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