Points to Ponder… Why Ask Why?

Note: this list is meant to be funny, and was put together from various email posts. There’s no accounting for taste. Your mileage may vary. Don’t eat yellow snow.

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they get back too?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as "4’s"?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

How can there be self-help groups?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

How do you tell if you run out of invisible ink?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

"I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him….Is he still wrong?

If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren’t people from Holland called "Holes?"

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you’re ahead"?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide….is it considered a hostage situation?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn’t a Portuguese person be called Portugoose?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don’t they wear a pair of bras?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

What happens when none of your bees wax?

What is a "free" gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

What is the speed of dark?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

What’s another word for synonym?

When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?

When dog food tastes new and improved, who tested it?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

When you’re sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where are Preparations A through G?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Which is the other side of the street?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor and planes don’t have a row 13, but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why do psychics have to ask your name?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?

Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank machines?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . become Pen Pals to these men ?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don’t they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"

Why don’t tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same way?

Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

Continue ReadingPoints to Ponder… Why Ask Why?

Cynics Guide to Life

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.

It’s a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

Continue ReadingCynics Guide to Life

Permutations of Borg…

Author Unknown

Uuuh, this is like, Butt-Head of Borg. Uh huh huh huh, uh huh huh huh. You will be ass-eliminated, or something. Uh, huh huh huh.

Yeah. Heh heh heh m heh heh m heh heh heh. That’s pretty cool. Ass-eliminated. Heh heh heh heh.

This is Buzzcut of Borg. You WILL be assimilated. DO YOU FIND THAT AMUSING, BUTT-HEAD?!

I am Cornholio of Borg! (heh heh heh). Your bungholes will be assimilated. I need TP for my bunghole.

#1 Hit on the Borg Top 40: We all sleep in a single subroutine.

#2 Hit on the Borg Top 40: Borg in the USA.

Abraham of Borg: Four score and Seven Assimilations ago…

Ah’m Bubba o’ Boahg. Y’all fixin’ t’ be assim’lated.

Al of Borg: Aww, Peg, I assimilated you last year.

All a Borg.

Assimilate me tender — Elvis of Borg

Blonde Borgs have the same fun.

Borg Express, don’t be assimilated without it.

Borg Mail Reader v2.1a. Tagline theft is futile.

Borg Mail Reader v2.1a. Taglines are irrelevant.

Borg McCoy: Are you out of your assimilated Mind?!

Borg Moderator: Your topic is irrelevant.

Borg Starter Kit. Some assimilation required.

Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left.

Borg spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3

Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y)

Borg, James Borg. Vodka Martini, Gin is irrelevant.

Borg-Cola: Not the choice of The Next Generation.

Borg-again Christian: Resistance to my sermon is futile

BorgBurgers: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.

BorgDOS: Irrelevant command or filename

Borgasm: The ecstacy of being assimilated.

Bugs Bunny of Borg: What’s up Collective?

C3PO: Artoo, the Chances of avoiding Assimilation are 3,945,876 to 1.

Caffeine of Borg: Sleep is irrelevant.

Can’t Get No Assimilation – Rolling Stones of BORG

Clinton of Borg: The economy is irrelevant.

Clinton of Borg: Hillary says resistance is futile.

CopyCat of Borg: Your tagline will be assimilated.

Dangerfield of Borg: Respect is irrelevant.

Descartes of Borg: I assimilate therefore I am

Ernest BORGnine… you be the judge.

Garfield of Borg: Hairballs are irrelevant.

Geraldo of Borg: Next brothers who assimilate sisters.

Ginsu of Borg: You will be assimilated – but WAIT! There’s MORE!

Go ahead creep, assimilate my day! — Clint Eastborg

GOTO, GOING TO, GONE TO — Borg subroutines

Groucho Borg: That’s the silliest thing I ever assimilated.

HamBorg: To assimilate or not to assimilate… that is the question

Hans Solo: I have a very Borg feeling about this.

Have engaged the Borg, ring was assimilated.

HersheyBORG: Wrappers are futile. Chocolate will be assimilated.

Hillary of Borg: Choice is irrelevant.

Homer of Borg: Prepare to be… ooooohh, doughnuts!

Humphrey Borg-gart: Here’s assimilating you…. kid.

I am Agassi of Borg. Before I assimilate you, is my hair okay?

I am Bart of Borg. Who the hell are you?

I am Bart of Borg. Resistance is futile, You will eat my shorts.

I am Clinton of Borg. Your pain is irrelevant.

I am Daddy Of Borg. Bedtime! Resistance is futile.

I am Drunk of Borg. Resistance is floor tile.

I am Dyslexsic of Borg. Prepare to have your ass laminated.

I am Gates of Borg. OEMs will be assimilated.

I am Fudd of Borg. Pwepawe to be assimiwated.

I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess.

I am Flatulus of Borg. Prepare to pull my finger.

I am Joker of Borg. Prepare to have your ass humiliated.

I am Jordan of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant.

I am Koresh of Borg. You will be incinerated.

I am Madonna of Borg. Gender is irrelevant.

I am Madonna of Borg. Justify my assimilation.

I am not a Borg, but I play one on TV.

I am OS/2 of Borg. DOS will be assimilated.

I am Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated.

I am Tweety of Borg. I _tawt_ I attimiwated a puddy tat.

If a Borg assimilated in the forest, would anyone know?

Inhaling is irrelevant — Quayle of Borg

King Henry the Borg: Assimilate his ‘ead!

McBorgers: Over 50 million assimilated.

My other computer is a Borg.

P-Porky P-Pig of Borg: You will be assim-assim…absorbed

Popeye of Borg: Prepare to be askimilgrated.

Pythagoras of Borg: Distance is irrelevant.

Tennis is irrelevant — Bjorn Borg

That’s spelled B O R G E — Dan Quayleborg

The battle aint over ’till the fat Borg lady assimilates.

The Borg are coming! Quick, try and look useless.

The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.

The Borg: Cool, Calm and Collective.

The Swedish Chef has been assimilated. Borg! Borg! Borg!

U2 will become one with the Borg. We like Bono.

Uhura of Borg: Assimilation frequencies open, sir.

We are Borg. is futile is inevitable.

We are Daleks of Borg. ASSIMILATE! ASSI-MIL-ATE!!!!!!!

We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday.

Welcome to Borg Burger. No pickles. Pickles are irrelevant.

What we have here is a failure to assimilate. — Cool Borg Luke

Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is

Yoooouuuuu’rreee Irrelevant! — Daffy Duck of Borg

Zsa Zsa of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling.

I am Pentium of borg. Division is irrelevant. Mathematics is irrelevant. You will be… approximated.

I’ll assimilate you my pretty, and your little dog too. — Wicked Witch of Borg

I’m irrelevant? You’re irrelevant. This collective is irrelevant. This whole stinking system is irrelevant! — Al Pacino of Borg

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can assimilate for your country. — John Fitzgerald Borg

Well you have to ask yourself. Do you feel lucky punk. Was that five assimilations or six? I forget Myself. — Clint Eastborg

We are Barney of Borg. I love you. You love me. Resistance is futile.

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb? All of them.

How do you kill a Borg? Stick it in a roomful of blondes (nothing to assimilate).

Borg Answering Machine Message: WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we’re not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we’ll assimilate you later.

Orson Welles of borg: no assimilation before its time.

Healthy Trekkies work out at the He’s Dead Gym

Continue ReadingPermutations of Borg…

The Drunkard’s To Do List

by Frank Rich

The idea is to cross every item off this list. Of course if you do that, your liver will give out before you can actually tell anyone about it. But go ahead, give it a shot. Just don’t ask me to go with you.

1. Open and close a bar.

2. Go on a bender.

3. Drink a fifth of hard liquor, by yourself, in one day.

4. Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd.

5. Spend a night in the drunk tank.

6. Get drunk on the grave of your hero.

7. Buy a crowded bar a round.

8. Embark on an impromptu road trip.

9. Get 86’d from a bar.

10. Extravagantly over-tip a bartender.

11. Walk up to an attractive stranger way out of your league and buy him or her a drink.

12. Conspire an after hours at your favorite bar.

13. Make your best friend a perfect martini.

14. Buy, build or steal a home bar.

15. Get carried home by your drinking buddies.

16. Get drunk with your father.

17. Fight a good fight.

18. Visit the source of your favorite beer, wine or liquor.

19. Drunkenly watch the sun come up with your best boozing buddies and a bottle.

20. Sit in on an A. A. meeting.

21. Hit a dozen bars in one night.

22. Try at least one hundred different drinks.

23. Get loaded in the land of your forefathers.

24. Juice on the job.

25. Split a magnum of expensive champagne with your true love.

26. Give a hobo twenty bucks.

27. Get loaded and tell your boss exactly how you feel.

28. Send a friend a bottle of good liquor.

29. Eat a pickled egg from the big jar.

30. Go on a fishing trip with your pals.

31. Eat the worm.

32. Learn at least one traditional drinking song.

33. Steal some booze.

34. Spend half a paycheck on a single bottle of liquor.

35. Start your long-awaited and very personal autobiography: Me and the Booze: A Love Story.

36. Try absinthe.

37. Watch the movie Barfly with five of your closest friends.

38. Work at least a week as a bartender.

39. Make your own beer, wine or moonshine.

40. Go to your place of worship loaded.

Continue ReadingThe Drunkard’s To Do List

Ten Reasons Why Halloween is Better than Sex

Author Unknown

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6. It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.

5. Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.

3. It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the morning after.

1. YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Continue ReadingTen Reasons Why Halloween is Better than Sex

Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From 1980s Horror Movies

David Speakman

With the fast-approaching Halloween season here are some helpful hints:

When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it’s really dead.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house — move away immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other place of the dead.

If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it’s just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your life.*

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you are doing.

If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness,and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

Continue ReadingEverything I Need To Know, I Learned From 1980s Horror Movies

Bad Halloween Jokes

Author Unknown

Q. Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
A. They’re afraid of flying off the handle!

Q. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A. No body

Q. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A. Bone appetit !

Q. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A. Dayscare centers

Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A. His ghoul friend.

Q. What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
A. Benjamin Frankenstein

Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A. Ice Scream

Q. What’s a monster’s favorite play?
A. Romeo and Ghouliet

Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A. Bamboo

Q. What’s a haunted chicken?
A. A poultry-geist

Q. How can you tell when you’re in bed with Count Dracula?
A. He has a big D on his pajamas

Q. What’s pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster?
A. Grandma monster

Q. Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
A. Because he was in need of a light snack

Q. Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?
A. Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A. Boo boos

Q. Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A. Because of his coffin

Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A. They’re good at keeping things under wraps

Q. What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
A. Ghost-Toasties

Q. What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A. A wash and wear wolf

Q. What’s the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?
A. They boo-kle their seatbelts

Q. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A. Count Duckula

Q. What do you call a person who puts poison in a person’s corn
flakes?
A. A cereal killer

Q. Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
A. Because if they were small and round and smooth they’d be M&M’s

Q. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
A. Because everyone was a goblin!

Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A. With a pumpkin patch.

Q. What do witches use on their hair?
A. Scare spray

Q. What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
A. His other fang.

Q: What do the birds sing on Halloween?
A: Twick or Tweet

Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
A: Tombstones

Q: Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
A: It’s good for the bones

Q: What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween?
A: White Pillowcases

Q: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
A: Squash

Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away

Q: What was the witches favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling

Q: Why did the mummy call the doctor?
A: Because he was coffin

Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay

Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank

Q: What did the mad scientist eat on Halloween?
A: Frankenfurters with Ketchup

Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the dead sea

Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula’s terror-tory

Q: Where does dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie

Q: What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A: A blood vessel

Q: What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o- lantern by it’s circumference?
A: Pumpkin Pi

Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have the guts.

Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A: A BOO-logna sandwich.

Q: How does the silly witch know what time it is?
A: She looks at her witch-watch.

Q: What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t spook until your spooken to.

Q: What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
A: An amoeboo!

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.

Q: Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Continue ReadingBad Halloween Jokes

100+ Funny British Place Names

April 26, 2013 update from Steph: Updated this page to add links to as many of the towns and streets as I could find in google maps. I originally added this list to my site on September 26, 2005, but I never verified whether the names were real places or not, until someone asked in comments. As far as I can tell, none of the thousand other sites that have this same list did either. It turned out that most of the names are of streets, rather than towns, so I updated the title of the page. If you have any names to add this list, feel free to contact me.


View Funny British Place Names in a larger map

Percy's Passage, London
Percy’s Passage, London
  1. Jeffries Passage, Surrey
  2. Prince Albert Court, Surrey
  3. Nork Rise, Surrey, United Kingdom. There is also a Nork Way, Banstead, UK and Nork Park, Banstead, United Kingdom. All in the same little area. Street and park names.
  4. Brown Willy, Cornwall – Cornwall’s highest point!
  5. Great Tosson, Northumberland
  6. Trump Street, London
  7. St. Mellons, Cardiff
  8. Percy Passage, London – This one was hard to track down – you basically have to use Google Street View because Google Maps doesn’t note this as an actually street. Do look around, because this is a cool little place. It’s a street that goes through buildings and then winds around in alleys. Londonist put together a helpful map of all of London’s Back Passages.
  9. Booty Lane, North Yorkshire
  10. Nether Wallop, Hampshire
  11. Honeypot Lane, Husbands Bosworth, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
  12. Mudchute, London – this is an London Underground Station
  13. Juggs Close, East Sussex
  14. Cockermouth Green, Newcastle – I can find a Cockermouth Road, Sunderland, United Kingdom
  15. Six Mile Bottom, Cambridgeshire
  16. Cock and Bell Lane, Suffolk – This is in Long Melford.
  17. Little Bushey Lane, Hertfordshire
  18. Titlington Mount, Northumberland – The town of Titlington exists in Northumberland.
  19. Slippery Lane, Staffordshire
  20. Hooker Road, Norwich Also, Hooker Street, Northwich, United Kingdom
  21. Cumloden Court, Dumfries and Galloway
  22. Tinkerbush Lane, Oxfordshire
  23. Ugley, Essex
  24. Pratts Bottom, Greater London
  25. Ramsbottom Lane, Ramsbottom, Greater Manchester, United Kingdom
  26. Prickwillow, Cambridgeshire
  27. Old Sodbury, Gloucestershire
  28. Upper Dicker, East Sussex
  29. Swell, Somerset
  30. Bladda Lane, Paisley, United Kingdom
  31. Snatchup, Hertfordshire
  32. Spital in the Street, Lincolnshire
  33. Shingay cum Wendy, Buckinghamshire
  34. Pump Alley, Middlesex
  35. Old Sodom Lane, Wiltshire
  36. Long Lover Lane, Halifax
  37. East Breast, Inverclyde
  38. Norfolk Broads, Dicks Mount, United Kingdom
  39. Staines, Surrey
  40. Crapstone, Devon
  41. Three Cocks, Powys
  42. Feltwell, Norfolk
  43. Pant, Shropshire
  44. Balls Cross, West Sussex
  45. Ogle Close, Merseyside
  46. Friars Entry, Oxfordshire
  47. North Piddle, Worcestershire
  48. Mincing Lane, London
  49. Bottoms Fold, Lancashire
  50. Backside Lane, Oxfordshire
  51. Winkle Street, Southampton
  52. Wham Bottom Lane, Rochdale, United Kingdom
  53. Upperthong, West Yorkshire, United Kingdom
  54. Tosside, Lancashire
  55. The Furry, Cornwall
  56. Lower Swell, Gloucestershire
  57. Lickers Lane, Merseyside
  58. Honey Knob Hill, Wiltshire
  59. Boghead, Ayrshire
  60. The Bush, Buckinghamshire
  61. Hill o’Many Stanes, Scotland – This is an historic site. More than 22 rows of low slabs arranged in a slightly fan-shaped pattern, which may have been a prehistoric astronomical observatory.
  62. Grope Lane, Shropshire – there is a Gropers Lane, Ipplepen, United Kingdom
  63. Willey, Warwickshire
  64. Happy Bottom, Dorset – This one exists, but was hard to find. Google Maps didn’t show it until I found an address with a postal code on this street elsewhere, then searched the address.
  65. Feltham Close, Hampshire
  66. The Knob, Oxfordshire – not finding this. Knob Hall Lane, Southport, United Kingdom, and other Knobs exist.
  67. Menlove Avenue, Liverpool
  68. Titty Ho, Northamptonshire
  69. Crotch Cresent, Oxfordshire
  70. Blairmuckhole & Forestdyke road, Lanarkshire
  71. Pant-y-Felin Road, Swansea
  72. Beef Lane, Oxfordshire
  73. Merkins Avenue, West Dumbartonshire
  74. Pork Lane, Essex
  75. Moisty Lane, Staffordshire
  76. Wetwang, East Yorkshire
  77. Scratchy Bottom, Dorset – This exists, all though it’s hard to find on maps. The link is to the wikipedia page. The location is a valley between Durdle Door and Swyre Head in Dorset, England. Also “Durdle Door”? Wow.
  78. Swallow Passage, London – like Percy’s passage, Swallow Passage is an alley that passes under buildings, and isn’t marked by name on Google Maps. You have to use street view to find it.
  79. Lickey End, Worcestershire
  80. Bitchfield, Lincolnshire
  81. Spanker Lane, Derbyshire
  82. Rimswell, East Riding of Yorkshire
  83. Lickfold, West Sussex
  84. Dick Court, Lanarkshire
  85. Beaver Close, Surrey – there are a number of streets named “Beaver Close” throughout the UK. Must have a lot of beavers nearby.
  86. Fanny Avenue, Derbyshire
  87. Cockshoot Close, Oxfordshire
  88. Inchinnan Drive, Renfrewshire – Inching in?
  89. Fanny Hands Lane, Lincolnshire
  90. Hole of Horcum, North Yorkshire – Saltergate, Hole of Horcum
  91. Slag Lane, Merseyside
  92. Shitterton, Dorset
  93. Back Passage, London – Another one of those London alleyways that doesn’t pop up on google maps. The famous “Ye Old Cheshire Cheese Shop” is located on this passage just off of Fleet Street.
  94. Fingringhoe, Essex
  95. Muff, Northern Ireland – Northern Ireland isn’t in Britain, obviously.
  96. Sandy Balls, Hampshire
  97. Twatt, Orkney Unlike many of these, Twatt is actually a town.
  98. Bell End, Wollaston – I’m not sure why Bell End is funny. Urban Dictionary: Bell End. Nevermind, I get it.
  99. Minge Lane, Worcestershire
  100. Cocks, Cornwall – There is a Cock’s Hill, Cornwall, and a Cock’s Lake Lane, Cornwall.

There. Aren’t you happy that I’ve taken a survey of all the Cocks, Tits, Snatches, Mounds, Swells and Scratchy Bottoms in the United Kingdom so you don’t have to? List inspired by and contributed to from Rude Britain.

Other funny or unusual British towns and place names

While I was hunting down the above place names, I discovered others that were funny or interesting.

Continue Reading100+ Funny British Place Names

The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms

Artery – The study of paintings.

Bacteria – Back door to cafeteria.

Barium – What doctors do when patients die.

Benign – What you be after you be eight.

Cesarean Section – A neighborhood in Rome.

CATscan – Searching for kitty.

Cauterize – Made eye contact with her.

Colic – A sheep dog.

Coma – A punctuation mark.

D & C – Where Washington is.

Dilate – To live long.

Enema – Not a friend.

Fester – Quicker than someone else.

Fibula – A small lie.

Genital – Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series – World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail – What you hang your coat on.

Impotent – Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain – Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff – A Doctor’s cane.

Morbid – A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates – Cheaper than day rates.

Node – I knew it.

Outpatient – A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear – A fatherhood test.

Pelvis – .Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative – A letter carrier.

Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery.

Rectum – Damn near killed him.

Secretion – Hiding something.

Seizure – Roman emperor.

Tablet – A small table.

Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor – More than one.

Urine – Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose – Near by/close by.

Continue ReadingThe Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms