Category Archives: Funny Lists
Guaranteed Not To Tax Your Mind
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’ … Continue reading
Message of Welcome to the UU Church
As we welcome our new members and visitors, it is only fair to let them know what we Unitarian Universalists are like and what we expect. We are friendly. If you are not friendly, out you go! We are genuine … Continue reading
You may be a Unitarian Universalist if:
You think socks are too formal for a Summer service. You know at least 5 ways to say “Happy holidays!” Your idea of a guy’s night out is going to a N.O.W. rally. Unleavened bread is part of your Easter … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Lists, Religion, You Know You're A...
Tagged funny lists, religion, Unitarians, you know you're a...
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Even More One-Liners
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
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Posted in Funny Lists, One-Liners
Tagged bumperstickers, funny lists, jokes, one-liners, t-shirts
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Funny One-liners
Funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.
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Posted in Funny Lists, One-Liners
Tagged bumperstickers, funny lists, jokes, one-liners, t-shirts
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Rejected Openings for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
From theonering.net One morning, when Harry Potter woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single wizard in possession of a good fortune, must be … Continue reading
Posted in Books, Funny Lists
Tagged books, funny lists, Harry Potter, literature, opening lines
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Ways To Tell A Man His Fly Is Unzipped
You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
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Say what now?
Alternate meanings for common words. Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize \bur’-gler-ize\: … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Lists, Lexicons
Tagged dictionaries, funny lists, glossaries, jokes, language, lexicons
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Queer Quotes
Why can’t they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, “Who’d you call a faggot?” — Jon Stewart
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Posted in Favorite Quotes, Funny Lists, Gay Jokes, GLBT Issues, Politics
Tagged gay jokes, jokes, marriage, rights, weddings
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Etiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding
1. On the day of a gay wedding, it’s bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym. 2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something … Continue reading
Valentines Day Quotes
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. — Dorothy Parker
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Posted in Favorite Quotes, Funny Lists, One-Liners
Tagged funny lists, jokes, love, one-liners, quotes, romance, sex, Valentines
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Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey’s Book
From “The Late Show With David Letterman,” Top Ten Lists: 10. “The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself” 9. “How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years” 8. “From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I’d Like to Oil Up” 7. … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Lists, Gay Jokes, GLBT Issues, Jokes, Politics
Tagged funny lists, Jim McGreevey, jokes, politics, republican sex scandals, top ten lists
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How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY 4. One … Continue reading
Deja… What?
Author: Stacy Mineart A funny list of definitions written several years ago by my sister. Ok, so the following are other, less common forms of deja vu: Deja boo: The feeling that I’ve been frightened like this before Deja coup: … Continue reading
10 Dating Tips By Way of Hollywood
author unknown 1. People Who Hate Each Other on Sight Usually End Up Falling in Love ("The Way We Were," "Titanic," most Astaire/Rogers movies). Actually, people who hate each other when they first meet usually work very hard to avoid … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Lists, Movie Lists
Tagged dating, funny lists, jokes, learn from the movies, movies
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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Author Unknown ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Lists, Light Bulb Jokes
Tagged chicken jokes, chickens, funny lists, jokes
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Star Wars… Pants?
Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words.
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More Things I Learned From The Movies
Signals If a tapping sound or flashing light represents morse code, there’s always someone around that can interpret the message. When Morse Code is used, the interpreter will call out words as they are being sent, rather than letters. Furthermore, … Continue reading
Posted in Funny Lists, Jokes, Movie Lists
Tagged funny lists, jokes, learn from the movies, movies
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Things I Learned From Movies
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of year.
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Posted in Funny Lists, Jokes, Movie Lists
Tagged funny lists, learn from the movies, movies
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Time-Honored Truths and Universal Laws
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
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Posted in Funny Lists, One-Liners
Tagged bumperstickers, funny lists, humor, jokes, laws, one-liners, t-shirts, truths
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Points to Ponder… Why Ask Why?
Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
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Posted in Funny Lists, One-Liners
Tagged bumperstickers, funny lists, funny questions, one-liners, questions, shirts
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Cynics Guide to Life
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
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Posted in Funny Lists, One-Liners
Tagged bumperstickers, funny lists, humor, jokes, one-liners, t-shirts
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Permutations of Borg…
Author Unknown Uuuh, this is like, Butt-Head of Borg. Uh huh huh huh, uh huh huh huh. You will be ass-eliminated, or something. Uh, huh huh huh. Yeah. Heh heh heh m heh heh m heh heh heh. That’s pretty … Continue reading
The Drunkard’s To Do List
by Frank Rich
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Posted in Funny Lists
Tagged alcohol, alcoholic, beer, drinking, drunk, drunkard, funny lists, jokes, wine
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