Blog Archives

Guaranteed Not To Tax Your Mind

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’

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Message of Welcome to the UU Church

As we welcome our new members and visitors, it is only fair to let them know what we Unitarian Universalists are like and what we expect. We are friendly. If you are not friendly, out you go! We are genuine

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You may be a Unitarian Universalist if:

You think socks are too formal for a Summer service. You know at least 5 ways to say “Happy holidays!” Your idea of a guy’s night out is going to a N.O.W. rally. Unleavened bread is part of your Easter

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Even More One-Liners

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

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Funny One-liners

Funny one-liners, short jokes and sayings that that would look great on a t-shirt or bumpersticker.

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Rejected Openings for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

From theonering.net One morning, when Harry Potter woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single wizard in possession of a good fortune, must be

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Ways To Tell A Man His Fly Is Unzipped

You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

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Say what now?

Alternate meanings for common words. Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s. Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize \bur’-gler-ize\:

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Queer Quotes

Why can’t they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, “Who’d you call a faggot?” — Jon Stewart

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Etiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding

1. On the day of a gay wedding, it’s bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym. 2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something

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Valentines Day Quotes

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. — Dorothy Parker

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Chapter Titles in Jim McGreevey’s Book

From “The Late Show With David Letterman,” Top Ten Lists: 10. “The Day I Got Caught Governing Myself” 9. “How to Pretend to Like Girls for 47 Years” 8. “From Schwarzenegger to Pataki: Governors I’d Like to Oil Up” 7.

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How To Identify Where A Driver Is From

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: NEW JERSEY 4. One

Posted in Funny Lists, Indiana, Indianapolis Tagged with: , ,

Deja… What?

Author: Stacy Mineart A funny list of definitions written several years ago by my sister. Ok, so the following are other, less common forms of deja vu: Deja boo: The feeling that I’ve been frightened like this before Deja coup:

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10 Dating Tips By Way of Hollywood

author unknown 1. People Who Hate Each Other on Sight Usually End Up Falling in Love ("The Way We Were," "Titanic," most Astaire/Rogers movies). Actually, people who hate each other when they first meet usually work very hard to avoid

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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Author Unknown ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross

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Star Wars… Pants?

Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words.

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More Things I Learned From The Movies

Signals If a tapping sound or flashing light represents morse code, there’s always someone around that can interpret the message. When Morse Code is used, the interpreter will call out words as they are being sent, rather than letters. Furthermore,

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Things I Learned From Movies

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of year.

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Time-Honored Truths and Universal Laws

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

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Points to Ponder… Why Ask Why?

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

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Cynics Guide to Life

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

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Permutations of Borg…

Author Unknown Uuuh, this is like, Butt-Head of Borg. Uh huh huh huh, uh huh huh huh. You will be ass-eliminated, or something. Uh, huh huh huh. Yeah. Heh heh heh m heh heh m heh heh heh. That’s pretty

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The Drunkard’s To Do List

by Frank Rich

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A Short Glossary for Culture Warriors

CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES: Hurt other people, apologize to Jesus, and get into Heaven.

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